Chapter Twenty-Nine
The rasp of the side door opening was loud, and heart pounding, I slid across the seat and followed Pierce out. We were at a sloping park where the streetcars turned around. The grass was cut and the bushes were manicured. Across the street, where the beach was, there was a small stone building that might once have been a public bathroom but was now boarded up. The wind was brisk by the water, and I sniffed, not bothering to tap a line.
It figured that Ku'Sox would be down here. Regular magic wouldn't work well. Demon magic would, though, and I smiled grimly, feeling like a cupcake on a sparkling white plate. Here I am, Ku'Sox. Come take a bite.
My shoes hit the pavement, and I looked at them, wondering how they had found me a pair so fast when the city had come to a standstill. They weren't new.
"Rachel, you said you had something for us to do?"
I forced the worry out of my eyes as I turned to Pierce. "Keep me alive when it's over?" I said weakly, and he took my hand. It was a horribly romantic gesture, and it only made me feel worse. Things were clearer to me than they had ever been, and yet I gave his fingers a squeeze before I pulled away and turned to Vivian. There was a radio playing somewhere, and she was squinting up into the distant buildings, trying to place the sound. Otherwise, it was silent, rubble strewn about the edge of the shore. On the bay, it was beautiful, not a car on the bridge or a boat running out to Alcatraz. Hi, Mary. Eat your toast and kill your magic. It's not worth it.
I didn't understand this. My entire life would be decided in the next five minutes, the lives of Ivy and Jenks, the safety of all good people, and here I was delighting in the smell of the seaweed and how the sun shone on the tiny little bugs darting on the hard-packed shore.
"Vivian," I said, forcing myself to look back to her. "Oh, Vivian," I said, softer when I saw her fear.
"I'm fine," she asserted, her voice shaking. "Trent isn't answering his phone. I'm sorry. I'll keep trying. I think he flew back to Cincinnati with his little girl. What else can I do? I want to help."
The woman was terrified, and my heart went out to her. She had fought Ku'Sox for three days, seen two of her peers eaten alive. And yet she stood by me, ready to fight to the last. I didn't want her here. I needed her in the city finding me a collective.
My hair lifted in the wind off the bay, and I smiled at the feeling. Focus, Rachel, focus. "Will you go back to the city for me?" I said, figuring the I.S. "driver" had left the keys.
"L-leave you?" she stammered, and I took her arm, leading her back to the van. "I can help!"
"I'm counting on it," I said. "I need you to go back. Stop at every church you can find. There are people there, right? Get them to ring the bells for me."
She stared, her blue eyes going wide. "For a collective," she said breathily, realizing what I was asking. A city-wide collective hadn't happened since the Turn. It was both a warning and a gathering. An act of trust. I didn't know if they would help or not, but if they didn't, then I would fail and they would suffer.
"I'll do it," she said, her voice trembling. "Rachel, if I have to light a fire in the middle of San Francisco, I will get you a collective. I promise."
Somehow I managed a smile, and I stumbled when she gave me a quick hug. Her eyes were brimming when she stepped back.
I blinked fast, trying not to tear up. "Thanks," I said, and her dusty shoes with the little bows scraped as she started to drift backward. "Don't take too long."
Nodding, she turned and went back to the van. The door creaked as it opened, and her slight figure made the jump inside. "At least there won't be any traffic," she said, and the door thumped closed.
The rumble of the van echoed against the abandoned buildings as the engine turned over. I felt Pierce's presence beside me, and together we watched her pull away. The sound of the van quickly vanished, and we were alone. Sort of. Ku'Sox was here somewhere.
Nervous, I rubbed my palms together and breathed in the last of the exhaust fumes. "You don't think they dropped us off at the wrong beach, do you?" I asked, and Pierce took my shoulders and turned our backs on the bay to look up to the hills of San Francisco. From here, everything looked normal, if a shade quiet and with the air markedly clean. If I had to do this with someone, I could do far worse than Pierce.
"Rachel," Pierce said, the depth of the emotion in his voice stopping me cold. He was going to say something, overcompensating for his part in getting me cursed. But I was a demon and he had devoted his life to killing them. I didn't want to hear it.
"Wait," I interrupted, turning to find that he was too close. I didn't move as he reached to steady me, his hand not falling when I found my balance. His dusty hair was all over, making him look endearing as he squinted from the wind off the bay. The slant to his eyes was determined, and I knew he had the strength to back up whatever he deemed a worthy task. He thought he loved me, even forgiving me for having prevented him from killing Al, and it was breaking my heart.
And I will cry when I go because I could love you forever.
I couldn't love him. It would destroy him slowly, and I didn't want that.
I leaned toward him, wishing I didn't stink of the ever-after and demons. He blinked as he saw my intention, and his hands moved, one sliding behind my neck and the other holding firmly to my fingers. My head tilted and my lips opened. They met his in a shock of ley line, and I quivered.
I felt a tear slip out as Pierce held me, space between us as we kissed, leaving me aching when our lips parted. I didn't know why I'd done it, except that I might die today. At least I'd die in the sun.
"Pierce," I said softly, our kiss ended but our foreheads still touching. "I can't-"
We shifted apart, and he put a finger to my lips. I could taste his salt, and I blinked fast.
"I know," he said, his eyes flicking behind me to the water for a moment as if unable to hold my gaze. "Don't say it," he asked. "Wait until the sun sets tonight, and if we are both here to see it, then my heart will break knowing you are safe and yet not to be mine. If you are gone, then my heart will break knowing that God has taken you home, because there is no way in hell that that demon Ku'Sox is going to kill you. I won't allow it."
There was a lump in my throat, and I wiped my eyes, only to get the grit of sand in them.
"No," I said, taking a step back until his hands fell from me. "Pierce, I don't love you." His lips twitched, hearing a lie that wasn't there, and I took his hands. "I don't love you," I said again, my throat closing up. "I loved the idea of you and me together, and from that, maybe someday love could have come, but that isn't going to happen. Ever. I am a demon."
He took a breath to protest, his eyes wild and his denial obvious. "You are not."
My eyes dropped to his hands holding mine, seeing his calluses and strength. "I am. I did something no witch, no male demon can do, and all the demons agree. There's no way around it. It's not like I wanted this." My voice had gotten squeaky, and I looked up, seeing panic in him.
"It's okay," I whispered, sniffing back a tear before it showed. "It doesn't mean I'm bad, but it does mean that there is no way that..." I stopped. It was too hard to say.
His grip on mine tightened, but I felt dead inside. "I'm not afraid." Pierce's hand drew me closer, and I resisted until he eased his pull.
"I'd never hurt you," I protested, remembering him standing before Ku'Sox, fighting for my safety, risking his life for me. What person wouldn't be humbled by that? Grateful?
His gaze jumped to mine, his anger lighting his eyes. "I meant I'm not afraid of love being difficult. If it was easy, then everyone would find it. But have it your way."
He turned away, and I reached after him, saying nothing as my hand dropped. It was better this way. "Perhaps you should call him out," Pierce suggested, angrily looking at the hills.
I nodded, even as my stomach clenched. I'd told him I didn't love him, and he didn't seem to care. I'd told him I was a demon, and he'd said so what? Then told me love was hard. I knew that, but it shouldn't be impossible.
Shoes silent on the pavement, I walked across the street to the beach, stepping up onto the cement bench next to the boarded-up restrooms. It was covered in gang runes, and my feet spread wide, I cupped my hands around my mouth. Damn it, why couldn't I have a normal life?
"Ku'Sox!" I shouted up into the park, my frustration giving my voice some anger. "You have something that belongs to me!"
The radio, I realized, was playing bouncy beach music. With a sudden snap, it vanished. My pulse hammered, and I glanced at Pierce. He was standing with his hands clasped, ready to fight for me, even after I'd told him I didn't love him. Why?
"Just a minute!" Ku'Sox shouted back, and my lips parted. I did not believe this. Just a minute? Had he really told me to wait?
Pierce shrugged, and I jumped from the bench. "You might want to put some space between us if you want to stay alive," I suggested, forcing myself not to touch my splat gun.
Pierce put his hands on his hips, flicking his duster back. "You might want to put yourself in a bubble to do the same."