Baseball was the only way that I would get a college education. I wouldn’t have another chance. I’d be working in a bar somewhere making minimum wage and tips for the rest of my life. Eva deserved more than that. She deserved a man who could take care of her. But f**k if I was just going to leave her. I couldn’t do that. I may not be good enough for her but I was gonna damn well try my hardest to become worthy.
“I can’t hurt her and I will not leave her.”
“You already did hurt her, boy. You already did. She was unstable and you took advantage of that. Eva won’t ever marry someone like you. She loved Josh Beasley. She adored him. She will never be happy until she finds another Josh. We both know you ain’t ever gonna meet those standards. You are just a way for Eva to act out. You don’t mean anything to her, boy. Now pack up and go before I change my mind.”
Wilson slammed the door on his way out.
I sank down on the bed and dropped my head into my hands. MARRY??? Fuck, what did he mean by marry? I couldn’t get married. Eva would never think of me that way. I wasn’t the kind of guy a girl like her married. He was right. I was Eva’s side thrill. She’d never said she loved me. She’d never said anything about forever. I would never measure up to Josh and Eva wanted another Josh. She deserved another Josh. When Eva decided to get married she’d go looking for someone without a f**ked up past and a criminal record.
Last night I’d made love to a woman for the first and last time. It had been amazing and I had a memory that would shape the rest of my life. Eva got her taste of the wild side. She’d move on soon enough. It wasn’t as though I was breaking her heart. But damn if I wasn’t ripping mine out of my chest.
With my duffel bag packed up, I headed out for my car. I didn’t look anywhere but straight ahead. I wouldn’t be able to leave if I saw her. She may not love me but I loved her so damn much it wouldn’t matter. The closer I got to my car without her calling out my name the more I felt something inside me die.
Opening the car door, I threw my duffel inside and pulled out of the drive for the last time. Leaving my heart behind.
Eva
Where was he? After I’d gotten a shower, I’d taken extra special care in fixing my makeup and picking out an outfit that would make Cage crazy, I went downstairs to fix him a snack.
His car was gone. I walked outside and looked around for it. My heart started racing as fear settled in. Had something happened? Was he okay? Did he get in trouble for driving last night? I ran down to the barn and into his back room. It was empty. No sign that Cage had ever been there.
I turned around and found my daddy standing at the door.
“What’re you doing Eva?”
I didn’t care anymore. Daddy could get over it. I was twenty years old. “I’m looking for Cage,” I replied, daring him to ask me why.
“He left.”
My heart stopped.
“What do you mean?” Had he needed to take his car back? Did he have a practice?
“Mack wanted him back. Said he’d done his sentence and he could come on back home. He ran outta here like he couldn’t wait to get away.”
No. No. Cage wouldn’t just run off. He wouldn’t go without telling me when he’d see me again. My phone. Had he called my phone?
I pushed past Daddy and ran for the house. I had to get my phone. I’d left it to charge in my room. Maybe it had been on silent and I’d missed his call. That had to be it because Cage would not leave me. Not after last night. He wouldn’t. The last time when he’d worn the condom and come inside me he’d said he loved me.
He wouldn’t leave me.
There were no calls on my phone. No text messages. Nothing.
Cage had left without a word.
Why? What had I done wrong? Had it all been just sex for him? Were all those sweet words something he told every girl when he had sex? God, no. I dropped my phone on the floor and let the pain assail me. I’d given my heart away to someone who didn’t want it. Even knowing that, I didn’t regret it. I just wanted him to want me. I just wanted him to love me too.
~*~
I took my guitar and headed for the barn. It was my daily routine. Daddy was bothered by it but I told him to leave me alone and let me handle this the way I wanted to. I wasn’t innocent and full of dreams and fantasies anymore. All of that died with Josh. I understood that pain was real and sometimes things didn’t last. Sometimes you just had to enjoy it while it lasts and cherish it when it’s gone.
Opening the door to Cage’s room, I sat down on the bed and sat my guitar in my lap. I’d hid from my music when I’d lost Josh. I needed it now. There was so much I needed to express and this was the only way I knew how. I opened the new notebook I’d bought and the words I’d been working on covered the first page. I began playing the tune that I heard in my head and jotting down ones that worked better.
My time with Cage wasn’t something I ever wanted to forget. I wanted every emotion written down. The way it felt falling in love. Losing yourself to someone. Those were moments that I would always hold close.
Josh had always been in my life. I don’t remember actually falling in love with him. I just always loved him. He was secure. He was there for me and I knew it. We were a part of each other.
Cage was so different. He’d shown me how it felt to want, to need, to surrender, to lose myself. He encouraged me to let go of my insecurities and be myself. Cage was free and wild. He was like a beautiful bird you could never own.
The words flowed out of me and I ignored the tears that streaked down my face.
Chapter Twenty- Three
Cage
“You won’t come to the party so I brought the party to you,” Preston called out as he walked into my apartment. Four giggling females followed him inside. Shit.
I slammed my beer down on the counter and glared at him from across the bar. “I told you I wasn’t interested.”
Preston had his arm around a redhead and reached over and to grab her tits. “But look at these beauties.” He winked at me. “They’re naughty little sorority girls. Our favorite kind.”
This was sick. I shoved off from the bar and pointed to the door. “Take them somewhere else Preston. I’m not in the mood.”