My chest felt so heavy. Guilt. Pain. Sorrow. Loss. It all swirled together making it hard for me to take deep breaths. Was she right? Was I throwing Josh’s memory away because Cage York had an amazing body and a sexy smile? Had I become that shallow? Oh, God. Tears stung my eyes and Elaine pulled me back into a hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you, sweetie. Sometimes a momma needs to help us find the right path when we veer off. That’s all.” She smoothed down my hair as she reassured me.
“Now, let’s talk about other things. More positive things. Like what your plans are now that you’ve decided to drive that nice little Jeep again and start living your life. I want to hear all about it. You are going back to college, aren’t you? I mean you can’t stay here and keep going to the community college. You’re too smart for this place Eva. Oh, and the guitar. Your daddy told me he came home to you playing the other day. I’m so proud of you.” I followed Elaine into the house but I didn’t feel like talking about any of those things. I wanted to go hide in my room and cry. If wanting to be with Cage was so bad, why did it hurt to be told it was wrong? He was the reason I was moving on. Didn’t that count for something?
Chapter Nineteen
Cage
I’d sent Eva two texts and called her once. She still hadn’t responded. The invisible fairy was back but she wasn’t bringing the extra treats like the chocolate cake or strawberry pie. All I got was a thermos of water and an ice towel. Something was f**ked up.
I couldn’t go looking for her and demand she talk to me. Her dad would have my ass thrown off the property. I’d lose my scholarship and I wouldn’t have Eva. What the hell could I do? She wouldn’t talk to me. Our last conversation had been when she’d brought me the chocolate cake. The only thing that I could come up with was something had come up with the lady that came by and she was busy with that. Even still why the f**k wouldn’t she answer my texts?
I needed to go talk to Wilson anyway. Low could come get me tonight as easily as tomorrow for my day off. I didn’t do anything between now and tomorrow morning. As much as I didn’t want to leave with Eva giving me the silent treatment, staying here would just drive me crazy. I pulled a clean shirt on then picked up my bag and threw a few things in it.
Wilson should be inside by this time. Maybe Eva would answer the door. I’d be able to see her face even if we couldn’t talk.
I headed up to the house.
The lights were all on which was odd. Even the outside floodlights were illuminating the yard. The driveway was also full. Were they having a party?
I paused at the door as laughter and several voices drifted outside.
The door swung open and Jeremy stood smiling at me. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
“I need to talk to Wilson,” I explained, looking past Jeremy for any sign of Eva.
“Come on in. He’s at the table with the family.”
The family? Whose family?
Jeremy led me inside and down a small foyer. I couldn’t help but pause several times to study pictures on the wall of Eva when she was younger. She’d been beautiful her entire life. Pigtails had also been her favorite hairstyle for a really long time.
“She was ten in that one. Just gotten braces and was really upset about it. Her dad couldn’t get her to smile so he called over to the house and got me and Josh to come over. When we got there Eva was perched up on top of that swing with unshed tears in her eyes and an angry scowl on her face. Josh stood behind the photographer and started telling her knock-knock jokes and making funny faces.”
Her head was tilted to the side and she looked like she’d just finished giggling in the image. My heart tugged thinking about all the memories she had like this one reminding her daily of what she’d lost.
Jeremy started walking again and I followed him toward the large arched entryway where the sounds of voices and laughter were pouring out. Whoever was in there, they were having a really good time.
Jeremy stepped in in front of me, “Mom, Dad, Chad, this is Cage York. He’s working for Wilson this summer. Cage, this is my family. Chad’s my cousin from Louisiana I told you about that I’m going to be rooming with.”
I hadn’t expected a full introduction. Apparently, neither had they. I didn’t focus on any one person. When my eyes swept over the table I recognized Jeremy’s mother as the lady who had come by the other day. Fear festered at what her arrival could have meant. She was Josh’s mother too. I didn’t like where my mind was going with that one.
When my gaze found Eva, she wasn’t looking at me. Her head was down and she was fiddling nervously with her napkin. Fuck.
“Cage? Is there a problem?” Wilson asked.
I forced myself to look at Wilson, instead of his daughter.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner. I just needed to ask you if it was alright if my ride came and got me tonight?”
Wilson shrugged and nodded, “I don’t see why not. Sure boy, go on. I’ll see you Monday morning.”
“Thanks,” I replied and swung my eyes back to Eva. She still hadn’t lifted her head. I didn’t want to leave like this. “It was uh, nice to meet y’all.” I didn’t wait for a response. I turned and made my way back to the door. I needed to get some fresh air and try real hard to get control of the panic settling in my chest.
The screen door slammed behind me but I didn’t flinch, I just kept walking. Reaching into my pocket, I texted Low to come on and get me tonight.
She’d be at least an hour. Instead of going back to the closed-in space of my makeshift bedroom, I headed down to sit in the swing under the biggest oak tree on the property. I rarely saw anyone out here. It was dark and I could stay hidden while I gathered my thoughts.
Josh’s mother had come for a visit and Eva hadn’t spoken to me since. What had been said? Had Eva seen her and realized what she was stepping down from? Josh had the nice all-American family. I, on the other hand, just had Low. My momma hadn’t made me meals and washed my clothes. Hell, my momma hadn’t even taken me to the doctor when I was sick. My half-sister and I hardly ever spoke. The last I heard she’d been busted in a meth lab with her latest boyfriend and gone to prison.
Yeah, I had one f**king fantastic family to introduce Eva too. If she thought I wasn’t worthy now, without knowing all that messed up shit, then I didn’t stand a chance.
I dropped my head into my hands. Why had I let myself care? Why had I decided to f**king care about someone who was so out of my damn reach? Girls like Eva didn’t want to keep me. They wanted to play with me for a while and then go find the boy their parents would approve of. I wasn’t the keeping kind. I’d learned at a young age that women didn’t keep me. When a guy’s momma don’t want him, why the f**k should anyone else? Something was wrong with me. Always had been. When I’d found Low, I’d held onto her and decided that since she was the only girl that wanted to keep me then she would be the one I spent forever with. I knew she’d never leave me. My f**k-ups would never send her running away. Then she’d found Marcus and he’d loved her in a way I never would. As much as I loved her I couldn’t love her the way it would take to be faithful.