I pulled her into my arms and she buried her face in my shoulder. The warm tears splashed against my skin and each drop broke my heart. I’d fix this if I knew how. I just didn’t know what to do that could make this any better. Jeremy was her safety net.
“It’s just that,” she choked out, “he’s moving on. He’s forgetting.” She stopped herself and pulled back from me. I could see the pain in her eyes and the desire to tell me about Josh. I wanted her to. I wanted to be able to talk to her about it. I hated that she felt like she only had Jeremy to run to.
“What’s he forgetting, Eva?” I asked. She’d avoided telling me anything more about the fact she’d taken off her engagement ring. I was trying so hard to keep her from running from me but I needed more now.
“The past,” she finally replied. Turning around she reached for the doorknob. Fuck. She was gonna run.
“Don’t,” I begged. “Stay. Talk to me.”
She didn’t turn back around. Instead, she opened the door and walked away.
Eva
Cage hadn’t returned until after midnight Sunday night. The only reason I knew this was because the last time I looked at the clock by my bed it said it was 12:05 am. Shortly after, I’d fallen asleep. By the time I got up Monday morning, Cage was already out with the cows. Daddy was having him tag the ones he was sending to the stockyard. I’d gone down to the lake hoping he’d come looking for me but after three hours I realized I’d pushed him too far.
He’d been open with me from the beginning. He hadn’t held back anytime I asked him something. I knew so much more about him than he knew about me. That was my fault. How did I tell him about Josh? How did I explain to another guy that losing Josh broke me? How would I deal with seeing the pity in Cage’s eyes when he looked at me? I just didn’t think I could handle it. Jeremy was moving on but I couldn’t.
I’d gone back to delivering Cage’s towel and thermos anonymously. He obviously didn’t want to see me. I’d walked out on him when he’d asked me not to go. The pleading sound in his voice haunted my dreams.
He wasn’t the hard selfish playboy I’d expected when I first met him. Cage was gentle when he needed to be. The way his voice had gone all sweet when he’d talked to the little girl on the phone and the way he’d so willingly pulled me into his arms without question to comfort me when he realized I was upset proved it.
When he’d noticed my ring was missing he’d asked me about it and I’d ignored it and distracted him. He hadn’t pushed for more then either. Cage had put up with a lot from me. He’d had enough.
I pulled my legs up so I could wrap my arms around them and rest my chin on my knees. I had grown so pathetic over the past few days just trying to get a glimpse of Cage that I spent more time on the rocker on the porch than I did anywhere else.
Gravel crunched and I watched as Becca Lynn’s little red convertible swung into the driveway. She’d stayed away longer than I expected. We had talked very little about Cage before we’d started drinking shots of tequila the night we went out.
Today her boots were candy apple red. Almost a perfect match to her car. She’d probably known that when she bought them. Knowing Becca she’d asked to take a boot outside and compare colors so she got it just right.
“Well, look at you sitting out here in the rocking chair like you’re sixty years old,” Becca teased as she pranced across the front yard and up the steps.
“It’s a nice spot,” I replied, one where I could catch glimpses of Cage.
Becca Lynn pursed her red lips, also a pretty dang close match to her boots, together and scanned the yard. “Don’t see your badass help anywhere,” she chirped.
“His name is Cage, you know that,” I snapped.
Becca swung her gaze back to me. “Oooooh testy. Did you go and get a soft spot for the resident hottie?”
“He’s not such a bad guy after all. He didn’t take advantage of you, did he?”
Becca stiffened and then shrugged as if she couldn’t care less. “I think he’s probably one of those smoking hot but very g*y types. Normally when a guy is that pretty he is too good to be true. My guess is he has an equally beautiful partner back home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so not a homophobe. I think it would be hot as shit to see. But it’s a shame such perfection doesn’t bat on the right team.”
She did not just accuse Cage of being g*y because he wouldn’t screw her after just meeting her. I wanted to scream just how not g*y Cage was but I controlled myself.
“I’ve seen the girl in his life. He isn’t g*y,” I informed her. She didn’t have to know Willow was engaged to someone else.
Becca frowned, “He has a girlfriend?”
Technically, yes. He had a girl who was a friend. “They’ve grown up together. Been together for years.”
Becca’s face went sad and it dawned on me what I’d just said. She was thinking about me and Josh. This was the pity I didn’t ever want to see on Cage’s face. I got enough pity from everyone else. Jeremy was the only one who hadn’t pitied me. He’d stood by me and mourned with me but he’d never pitied me.
“Jeremy’s going to LSU in the fall,” I blurted out, needing to tell someone and needing to change the subject. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss Josh with her.
“Oh, wow.” Becca was watching me closely. She was waiting on me to break down and cry. I’d done that already. For two full days I’d cried every time I thought about him moving on. I was done with the tears. They weren’t tears of sadness over losing Jeremy. They were tears of sadness because he had found a way to move on and I was still stuck, unable to move past Josh.
“So, when did you find out?”
“Last week. He took me to see his new place. He’s leasing an apartment with his cousin from Jefferson Parrish. He leaves for good next month. He needs to find a job and get settled in before school starts.”
“You two gonna be okay apart?”
What she really meant was I going to be okay without him. Everyone seemed to understand that Jeremy was ready to get on with his life.
“We’ll be fine. Jeremy needs to live.”
Becca nodded, “Yeah, he does,” she paused, “and so do you.”
I wish I knew how.
The rumble of a truck interrupted us and Becca turned from her perch on the railing to watch as Cage pulled up from the pasture.
“God, I hope he has his shirt off,” she whispered.
I was in agreement with that wish.
When he stepped out of the truck he looked our way but quickly shifted his gaze and walked into the barn. He was wearing a white tee shirt that looked a little too small. I wondered if he was wearing it because he had his barbell in.
“I’m going to go talk to him. I’ll be back,” Becca announced as she jumped down from the railing and started down the stairs.
What if he was changing? What if she saw his pierced nipple? I didn’t want her to see it. It was my secret. I opened my mouth to say something to stop her but I didn’t have an excuse other than I didn’t want to share him. How ridiculous was that? I watched helplessly as Becca Lynn pranced across the yard toward the barn doors. Short of running after her and tackling her to the ground I couldn’t do anything about this.
Chapter Twelve
Cage
I’d made it three days without breaking down and going after her. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait her out. She’d run and I wanted her to be the one to come back. But dammit seeing her sitting there on that porch with her eyes on me so big and sad was more than any man could withstand.
I slammed my door closed and stalked over to slam my fist into the wall. I needed to get out my frustration somehow. I cared too much. Way too damn much. This was different than caring for Low. Completely different. Eva had me wrapped up in knots. I didn’t do commitment. I wasn’t a one-woman guy. I liked variety. I liked not having to give a shit. This caring stuff was bullshit. I didn’t need this.
A knock on the door startled me and hope soared in my chest. She’d finally come back. Two long strides and I was at the door jerking it open ready to fall on my knees and promise to do whatever the hell she wanted me to do in order to make her happy.