But that only leaves one explanation about his lack of lust for me: it’s me. He’s just not that into me. That’s why Jimmy, a twenty-year old, super-hot and popular jock, has been able to keep his hands off me this whole time we’ve been going out. That’s why, when I told him I was ready to take my virginity, he didn’t rip my clothes off and fuck me right then and there. That’s why there was absolutely no chemistry between us just now. He’s just not that into me. And he’s probably in the shower right now, thinking of a way to let me down easily. Well, I won’t be here for him to do that. I’ll save us both the awkwardness.
Tears burning in my eyes, I stand up from the bed and start gathering my stuff. I leave his dorm and rush back over to mine so fast that by the time I get home, Jimmy is probably still shampooing his perfect hair. Fortunately, Nicole is home, eating ice cream and watching a Disney movie. She looks surprised to see me.
“Hey! What are you – ”, she starts, but as soon as I see her I burst into tears, slamming the door behind me. Nicole sits up, worried, as I collapse next to her on the sofa and pour my heart out. Sobbing, I tell her everything that just happened. She keeps her arms around me and listens, for once not knowing what to say. But I’ve only just finished telling her when I feel my bag vibrate as my phone starts ringing. I sit up and fish my phone out. Oh crap. It’s Jimmy. I look at Nicole.
“It’s him,” I whisper, sniffing.
“Answer it,” she says encouragingly. Slowly, I push the green accept button.
“Hey! Where’d you go?” he says as soon as the line connects. He sounds genuinely confused and distraught. I don’t want him to know that I’ve been crying, so I don’t answer.
“Listen,” Jimmy says gently. “I’m sorry if that was weird just now. I, um – I’ve been feeling a bit off the past few weeks. Coach is making me take all these health supplements and um, I think they’re messing with my system.” Health supplements? Oh god. That explains everything. Those things are unregulated and manufacturers can put anything in their supplements, from hemp to active ingredients like minoxidil and creatine.
“It’s okay,” I manage in a small voice.
“Great,” continues Jimmy, audibly relieved that I’ve accepted his apology, at least on the surface. “You know how it’s Parents Weekend tomorrow? I know your folks won’t be able to come from Iowa, so I’d like to invite you to dinner with my dad. I want to introduce you.” Oh wow. The invitation distracts me from the problems we’re having in bed because if Jimmy wants me to meet his father, it must mean he really likes me and wants to get serious.
“Oh, sure,” I murmur, a little flustered. “I’d love to.”
“Great,” he says. “I’ll set it up and let you know the details. Goodnight, baby.” And hanging up, I suddenly feel like that one simple phone call fixed everything that had been bothering me – from walking in on him watching gay porn last week, to our failed attempt at sex tonight.
Because the fact that he’s been taking these health supplements explains so much. I know from experience how foreign substances, even ones that are meant to be good for you, can change your mood and your body. I’m on the pill, and have been since I was fifteen, because of terrible periods. I remember what it felt like before I had the pill. I was all mood swings and dark clouds, interspersed with bouts of irrationality. And even though the pill balanced things out in the period department, it took me a good few months to feel fully myself again. I can only imagine what it must be like for a guy who’s taking supplements for the first time. Plus, for him to apologize, and want to introduce me to his dad is incredibly flattering. It definitely means he’s serious about me.
For the first time in a week, I fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. No more doubts, confusion, or nightmarish scenarios spin around my mind. The only thing floating around in my head as I feel myself drifting off that night is what I’ll wear to the dinner with his dad. Vaguely, I remember Jimmy mentioning that his father was some hotshot CEO of a major corporation. Well, it doesn’t matter because it’s the son I’m interested in, and not the father … or so I think.
Chapter 3
JORDAN
God, I hope this dinner doesn’t go on for too long. I’ve only just arrived and I’m bored already, waiting for Jimmy and his girlfriend to arrive. It’s not like me to be early, but I suppose I’m just eager for this to be over. I’ve gone ahead and ordered a drink and I sip it, feeling the warmth spread through me. I try not to drink during the week because it messes up my work-out routine. At 45, my sculpted body is something I’m proud of and work hard to maintain. Which leaves alcohol as something of a treat or a reward, and not a crutch or a habit. Those are for weaker men.