Sydney gave a guilty start and her eyes widened. “Really? With who?”
Matthew shrugged. “Don’t know. I’m just getting a lot of winks and nudges.”
She pressed her hand against her chest. “I am so sorry.”
“Why? It’s not your fault.” Embarrassment flickered across her face. He didn’t want her to feel guilty or embarrassed. He wanted her to be brave enough to voice her dreams, reach out and grab him. Tell him about the notebook. Act it out instead of writing it down and hiding it.
“I...I know you’ve been working hard to improve your image.”
“I must have been crazy thinking I could change everyone’s idea about me. I’ve been on my best behavior and no one has noticed.”
She reached out and rested her hand against his arm. “I’ve noticed. I’ve seen how much you’ve accomplished since I’ve been here.”
He stepped closer. “But you don’t know what I was like years ago.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said and smiled. “I know who you are now.”
Matthew liked the way she gazed up at him. He felt powerful. Important.
“I can’t keep my hands off you,” he confessed as he curled his hand around her waist. “I tried but it’s not working.”
Her smile widened. “Good.”
“Good?” His eyebrow went up. “What was it you said yesterday? Something about how this was a bad idea.”
“I remember saying something about that.” She looked away. “The details are fuzzy.”
Matthew cupped her cheek with his hand. “Sydney, I don’t want to hear any excuses about why we can’t be together.”
Her eyes narrowed. “They aren’t excuses. They’re—”
He bent his head and covered her mouth with his. He kissed with a slow gentleness but it didn’t hold back the hunger inside him. Matthew drew Sydney close to him. “I don’t want to wait anymore,” he confessed.
“Come inside.” She grabbed his wrists and pulled him toward the screen door.
“No, let’s stay out here.”
“Here?” Her eyes widened. Matthew noticed the naughty gleam in her eyes before she banked it. “Someone might see us.”
“I won’t let that happen,” he promised. “Trust me.” He remembered what she’d written in her notebook. Most of the scenes had been outdoors. He had gotten that right about her. She wanted to feel wild and free, bold and daring.
Sydney glanced around as her skin flushed. “O-okay.”
He kissed her and felt her hesitancy. She wanted this but she didn’t completely trust him. Trust that he would protect her. In her fantasies, she’d given him her absolute trust. What could he do to prove she could rely on him in reality?
He gathered her closer, enjoying how soft she felt against him, but she took a step back. Her lips parted as if she wanted to ask a question. She let her hands fall to her sides. Her fingers clenched into fists.
“If you want to go inside, I’m all for it,” he said. “Whatever makes you comfortable.”
“No, I want to do it here,” she replied, her voice high and tight. “Like this... With you.”
“I’ll be honest, I want whatever it takes to be the focus of your world,” he admitted. “I want you to rely on me, cling to me. Forget everything and let go. Feel and not think. Surrender completely.”
She flinched and for a moment Matthew believed he had pushed her too hard, too fast.
“I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust,” he said softly. “I want you to feel safe so you can lose all control around me.”
Her breath hitched in her throat. “I already do,” she whispered.
Triumph swept through him. That was what he’d needed to hear. No qualifications, no bargaining. He wanted her to accept him, no questions asked.
* * *
SHE COULDN’T BELIEVE she was doing this. Excitement clawed through her as her heart pounded. This was risky. Too risky. So why had she agreed to this?
She tilted her head as she listened. No one was around. She heard a slight wind tugging at the leaves on the tree and the chirping of a bird. They were in her fenced backyard; no one would see them. Why not indulge in one of her fantasies?
But this was insanity. How far could she trust Matthew? How far could she trust any man? She’d never really allowed a lover to take care of her. Never let them take charge. In journalism, she had to push, dig and go after a story. She was the same in her personal life. Now Matthew wanted her to follow instead of taking the lead.
She reached out and flattened her hands against the solid wall of his chest, noting how his heart beat under her palm. As she explored his lines and angles, Matthew gently cupped her jaw with both hands and kissed her. She shivered with anticipation and deepened the kiss. Soon she was clinging to Matthew. He bunched her dress in his hands and pulled it off her.