By screwing you instead. Was that all he’d been? A way to be sure that she didn’t want to be with David?
It hadn’t felt like that to him.
‘Anyway, the point is, maybe you’re right. Maybe it is good I won’t be able to find anyone willing to date me within a hundred-mile radius of David. Because...’ She took a deep breath before continuing. ‘Because it’s time to stop looking for that happily-ever-after as if it’ll fix my problems. It’s time to make my life what I want it to be on my own, for a change.’
Ash swallowed. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Zoey to take hold of the reins of her own life. He did. So why did he feel as if he was being cast aside too?
‘That’s good. Really, Zo. Just...everyone needs a friend sometimes too, right?’ he said. ‘So don’t forget. You don’t have to do it all on your own. I’m here for you, if you need me.’
The smile she gave him was so soft and loving it made his chest ache. ‘I know. You’re my best friend, Ash. You’re all I have left now. Which is why...’
‘That’s all we can ever be,’ Ash finished, so she didn’t have to. ‘I get that. And I get you wanting to make it by yourself. But—’
She groaned. ‘Does there have to be a but?’
‘Hopefully not.’ Ash tried to find a delicate way to put what he had to say, and failed. ‘Look, I’m totally on board with the pretending last night never happened and going back to being friends.’ Well, not totally, since that meant never seeing her naked again. But he could work with it, for her sake. ‘But I have to say something.’
‘What, Ash?’ She tilted her head to the side as she looked at him, as if she were waiting for some poetic or romantic pronouncement.
Boy, was she going to be disappointed.
‘We didn’t... We were reckless. I didn’t use protection. Did you...?’
He knew her answer before she spoke. The colour drained from her cheeks, leaving her eyes huge in her face.
‘David and I were doing this stupid abstinence thing for six weeks before the wedding. Plus he said he wanted to try for a honeymoon baby. So I went off the Pill two months ago.’ Her words were a whisper.
Something seemed to freeze inside him at her answer. There could be a baby.
And of course Zoey wouldn’t want that, just when she was taking control of her life again. But part of him couldn’t help but imagine a whole new future for them, in that brief second before Zoey started talking again.
‘I’m sure... I mean, the chances have to be low. What with all the stress and so on. I think that makes this sort of thing more difficult, right?’ She looked up at him, chewing on her lower lip, and he realised that he was the voice of experience in this matter.
‘Uh, yeah. I think so.’ In truth, he could barely remember. After all, he and Grace had been focusing on trying to get pregnant, not hoping it wouldn’t happen.
God, this was such a mess.
‘Right. So, probably nothing to worry about.’ The frown line between her eyes said she was worrying anyway, though.
‘Probably not,’ Ash said, in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. She was right. Grace had spent months planning to get pregnant—working out optimal times and strategies, adjusting their diets and habits, reading everything she could get her hands on about maximising fertility. There had been thermometers every morning to check when she was ovulating, calls for lunchtime quickies on optimal days—and still it had taken them nine months to get pregnant.
The chances that he and Zoey had conceived in one accidental hook-up—okay, two—had to be low. Surely.
‘But...you’ll let me know?’ he asked, looking into her worried eyes. ‘If there’s, well, anything to know.’
‘Of course,’ she replied quickly. ‘Of course I will. But right now I’d better get to the airport.’
‘Can I take you?’ Suddenly, he didn’t want to let her out of his sight.
She shook her head. ‘I’ll get the hotel reception to help me. I’m hoping I can trade in my transfer and flight home from two weeks from now to today.’
‘If you need any help, or anything...’