‘That’s not what I mean either.’ Taking the mug from her, he put it down on the half-built counter and took both her hands in his. ‘I mean, after Grace. If it hadn’t been for you, pulling me up, talking me through it, making sure I got out of bed in the mornings, I don’t know if I’d have been able to keep going.’
‘You would,’ Zoey said, with more certainty than Ash felt. ‘You know how furious Grace would have been if you didn’t.’
‘That’s true.’ His wife had been a stern believer in living your best life, even if the circumstances sucked. She never gave up on anything—until that last, awful ambulance ride. ‘But you made it easier. You made it seem possible.’
Zoey shrugged, her gaze sliding away from his. ‘I didn’t do much. I had no idea what to do. For weeks, I just kept hoping it was a mistake. That the universe meant to take me instead of her.’
Her matter-of-fact tone made Ash’s blood run cold. As much as he would give to have his wife back—up to and including his own life—he couldn’t wish away Zoey’s in such a manner.
‘You know, you’re the only other person who knows how much was taken from me that day. Not just Grace, but—’ He broke off, unable to say it.
‘The baby,’ Zoey whispered for him, and he nodded.
Grace had just turned twelve weeks pregnant; he or she had still been a tiny, perfect embryo. Zoey was the only other person Grace had told, wanting to wait until after the scan to make a big announcement. And afterwards, Ash hadn’t been able to bring himself to mention it. But knowing that she knew, that his child was real for someone other than just him, that helped, a little.
‘You knew what I’d lost. But still, you reminded me that the world was worth living for,’ he said softly. ‘Every day, you showed me everything that was still with me. From a sunny day in the park, to the best ice cream from that place by the canal, to just having a great friend to watch movies with on a Sunday afternoon. You never told me to smile, or to be happy. You were just there. Spending time with me, expecting nothing, but reminding me every single day that the world went on, and that was a good thing.’
Zoey stared up at him, her eyes wide and amazed. He didn’t blame her. Ash wasn’t entirely sure where those words had come from, either. But now he’d said them, he knew they were absolutely true.
‘I want to do the same for you.’ He pulled her close by their joined hands, until their hands were the only thing separating the two of them. ‘Zoey, you’ve been my constant friend and support ever since that day at the hospital, and I’m not sure I’ve been anything close to the same for you.’
‘You have!’ she protested. ‘Remember the long-distance Netflix binge on my birthday? With the cakes and the hats?’
Ash smiled, despite himself. ‘I do.’ Grace had always made such a big deal about people’s birthdays—especially Zoey’s. She always said it was because Zoey deserved a fuss, and no one else in her life was going to give it to her. When a reminder popped up on the electronic calendar he and Grace had shared, a week before the big event, he’d realised that, without Grace there, Zoey’s birthday could go unmarked altogether. For some reason, it hadn’t even occurred to him that David might celebrate it properly—and, of course, he hadn’t.
So Ash had taken up the challenge. Even if he had to be thousands of miles away on the day, that was no excuse not to celebrate.
That was what Grace would have said.
‘That was just a tiny drop in the ocean compared to all the things you’ve done for me,’ he pointed out.
Zoey looked shyly down at their clasped hands. ‘Maybe. But it meant the world to me.’
Releasing one hand from her fingers, Ash tucked it under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. ‘You are worth far, far more.’
He could see incredulous disbelief vying with hope in her eyes. Ash wished he could convince her. Could show her that she was worthy of so much more than the men who just wanted a ring on her finger, but not the full Zoey experience. Worth more than countless last-minute escapes at the altar. Worth more than a long-distance video call and some cake on her birthday.