Zoey knew how much it was worth, how much it mattered—and how much it could hurt to settle for anything less. And that was why she couldn’t marry anyone if she had a shred of doubt about how it would end up.
People wouldn’t get it, she knew, which was why she didn’t talk about it. The few times she’d discussed true love and happy ever afters with other people—usually after drinks—the reactions had not been encouraging.
Most people tended to fall into one of two camps. On the one side were those who believed that true love and soulmates were a fallacy, probably put about by greeting card companies and romance novelists. On the other were those who told her that marriage took work, that no one was happy all the time and that she should be grateful for what she had.
In the end, they were both saying the same thing, Zoey had realised eventually.
Stop wanting so much.
But she did want. And it wasn’t about the ring or the ceremony or the big party or whatever happened next. It was about having the right person next to her when it happened.
And maybe some people truly believed that soulmates didn’t exist—or maybe they were just saying it because they hadn’t been lucky enough to find theirs. But Zoey knew for a fact that soulmates were real.
Because she’d watched Ash and Grace fall in love.
Even now, she used them as a benchmark. She thought back to how they’d been in their early days together and tested each of her own new relationships against the memories. And, for a while, they’d often match up—or perhaps she’d just convince herself that they did, half through optimism and half through desperation.
But there always came the point where she had to admit the truth to herself—her relationships were never that picture-perfect, soft-focus, tumbling headlong into love that she’d seen Ash and Grace manage at eighteen.
That wouldn’t stop her looking, though.
‘I want what you had with Grace,’ she whispered, looking down at the mug in her hands. ‘More than anything, that’s what I want. That perfect happiness.’
There was an awkward silence emanating from the other folding chair. When she risked looking up, Ash’s expression was conflicted, as if he couldn’t decide whether or not to say what he was thinking.
‘What?’ she asked.
‘Zoey, you know how much I loved Grace. And how much she loved me. But that doesn’t mean things were perfect all the time. I mean, we fought, just like any couple. Stupid fights over whose turn it was to put the bin out, or whose fault it was we slipped into our overdraft that month. And bigger things too, like whether we should move house, or when we should have kids.’ His voice caught on the last word and Zoey felt guilty for even making him remember how much he’d lost. She started to interrupt, to tell him he didn’t need to say this, but he shook his head and continued. ‘If I’d known how things would end, believe me, I’d take back every single one of those arguments and let her get her own way every time.’
‘No, you wouldn’t.’ Zoey felt a small smile tugging at her lips. ‘Because that’s not who you two were together. Of course I know it wasn’t perfect happy families every second. That’s not what I mean.’
‘Oh? Then what do you mean?’
Zoey cast around for the right words. ‘When you two argued, it was because you were working something out between you. You were building a partnership—one that was far deeper and more important than the bins or the overdraft, but those things still had to be dealt with. Every row you had, it brought you closer together. Closer to the people you wanted to be for each other.’
Ash looked a little stunned at her words. Zoey allowed herself a small smile. Had he really never thought about how the two of them looked to the outside world? The perfect couple, made to be together. Hashtag relationship goals, for sure.
‘It wasn’t...it wasn’t ever about being perfect, you know. I just loved her so much I wanted her to be happy. For us to be happy together.’
‘And you’d do anything to get there, I know. Sadly, I think you’ve ruined me for other men. The pair of you, I mean,’ she added hurriedly. ‘As a couple.’ The last thing she needed was for him to get the wrong idea now. Even if a few impure thoughts had flashed through her head as he sat there, hair wet and shirt clinging to his body. Not that she was admitting to them.