Sleep was eluding her, and her mind drifted back to a conversation earlier in the day. Just after Rami had gone out, she had had another almost-fight with her mother. Mia had called to confirm that she would be picking up Amie to get some errands done.
“You should be getting rest, Mia. You look exhausted every time I see you.”
“That’s because I am exhausted,” Mia had replied matter-of-factly. “Growing a baby isn’t exactly easy on the body, you know.”
“So why don’t you relax at home or just come over to visit? Do
n’t keep putting yourself out for me. I hate feeling like I’m a burden on you when you’re already under so much physical stress.”
“You’re not a burden on me,” Mia had insisted. “I love you. I want to spend time with you and take care of you! If I really couldn’t do it, you know I’d stay home.”
“Oh so that groan when you get out of the chair at the doctor’s office is nothing? And the fact that your back is killing you and you still help me get into the car?”
“My back is killing me whether I lie down, sit down, or stand up, Mom. It’s pretty much a constant; helping you into the car isn’t making anything worse.”
“What’s the real reason that you’re spending so much time helping me? You know I’ve got plenty of help from the neighbors.”
“I just don’t like being by myself,” Mia had admitted. “Rami’s spending more and more time away from home…and even when he is here, he’s in his office.”
“He needs to get his head screwed on right,” Amie had told Mia. “You need to talk to him about this. I know you want to give him time, and let him ‘process’ or whatever word you want to use for it, but it’s been almost a month. He needs to shake himself out of it and be there for you.”
“I know,” Mia had said, guiltily realizing that she was burdening her mother with her problems. “He’s just…”
“I don’t really want to hear you making excuses for him, Mia,” her mother had replied. “I know you love him, and I can see that he loves you, but if he’s going to be a father, he needs to learn how to put someone else’s needs before his wants. Promise me that you’ll talk to him.”
“I promise, Mom.”
Mia had waited and waited for Rami to come home. She had cooked one of his favorite meals and eaten it alone, packing the leftovers into the fridge in case he was hungry when he finally did return from wherever it was he had gone.
Mia knew that Rami’s drinking wasn’t exactly a new thing. As much as she didn’t want to believe it, she had to admit that it must have started when his parents gave him the ultimatum. It was getting worse, and Mia wasn’t sure how much more she could take. She tossed and turned on the couch, turning the problem over in her mind, wishing that she had the nerve to approach Rami about it. I’ll talk to him about it over breakfast. No matter how late he comes in, he’s always up for breakfast. I’ll let him get some coffee in him and then we’ll talk about what’s going on.
FOUR
Despite what she told herself as she lay awake on the couch, another month passed before Mia could bring herself to address the issue of Rami’s drinking. On the morning she had planned to confront him, Rami had risen before her and had had her favorite breakfast waiting on the table by the time she awoke. Mia told herself that it would be cruel of her to confront him after he’d tried to make it up to her.
Mia’s compulsion to inevitably start a row had gradually waned, until she found herself once more sleeping alone. This time at least, she had made it into the bed they shared, instead of staying on the couch. It had been a difficult week, and the thick, body-cradling mattress and plump pillows had been hard to resist. She curled up, hoping against hope that when she woke up in the morning, she would find the dull, throbbing ache in her back, ankles, hips—all of it—gone. It was almost time for her next ultrasound visit, and Mia was excited at the prospect of seeing the baby larger, more clearly defined in the images. She wished she could believe that Rami was as excited about it as she was.
Mia counted on being awakened by her fiancé at some time in the night, but when she swam up into consciousness the next morning, feeling a little refreshed but still achy, she realized Rami wasn’t in bed next to her, as he always normally was. Oh God. What if he’s been in an accident? She hauled herself out of bed and darted through the bedroom as quickly as her heavy body would allow, plunging into the living room and looking around for any sign that Rami had come in only to leave once more.
Everything was exactly as she had left it when she’d gone to bed the night before. Mia swallowed against the tight feeling in her throat, hurrying to the desk where she’d left her phone plugged in to charge. She unlocked the screen but there were no missed calls from anyone. “If something had happened to him, someone would have called, wouldn’t they?”
She racked her brain for who she could contact to find out if Rami had somehow been hurt—or worse—without her being notified. His parents weren’t an option; Mia thought Rami’s mother would rather eat glass than tell Mia anything about her son. Mia had met a few of Rami’s friends but she didn’t know any of them well enough to have their numbers saved in her phone. “Shit, shit, shit,” Mia said, sinking down into the chair at the desk. Her laptop was in front of her—she could at least do a quick search and see if there had been any reports, couldn’t she?
Mia took a deep breath, steeling herself against the possibility of bad news. If Rami had been in an accident, or been arrested for a DUI, there would have had to have been a report of some kind. Mia pulled up a blotter report for the county and started to scroll through it, her heart hammering in her chest. Her gaze flitted over the different entries, but not all of them had names attached to them. She read through the descriptions, trying to figure out if any of the victims or perpetrators sounded like the man she loved. As she came to the end of the list for the previous twenty-four hours, Mia had to conclude that if Rami had gotten into some kind of incident, it wasn’t in their county.
“What could have happened to him?” Mia felt her eyes stinging as tears began to form. “Did he just decide to sleep it off somewhere else?” Somehow the thought hurt. Mia reached down and cradled her hands under the firm bulge at her abdomen. She tried to think, though it felt more and more like her heart was going to pound its way out of her chest. Calm down, Mia. Deep breaths. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe slowly, counting to three on each inhale and exhale. After a few moments, she felt her heart begin to slow, and the sense that the world was spinning entirely too fast began to go away. “I’ll go outside and see which of his cars is gone,” she told herself.
Mia slipped her feet into a pair of slippers and wrapped a robe around herself, not wanting to wander around outside in just her nightgown. The door was locked—just as she’d left it—and Mia turned the deadbolt, telling herself again and again that there was no reason to panic. No news was good news, after all. She opened the door and turned to head towards the garage where Rami kept his cars.
Mia didn’t get beyond the front steps as her foot collided with something and she nearly toppled forward, flailing her arms around to try and regain her balance. Curled up just in front of the welcome mat, Rami lay passed out on the patio, a thin line of drool hanging from his mouth. Mia stared in shock, absorbing the sight of the man she loved, unconscious in front of their home. His keys were in his hand, and his clothes—normally sharply ironed, perfectly tailored, and immaculate—were rumpled, sweaty-looking, and dirty from the floor.
As Mia stared down at her fiancé, her shock dissolved into fear; if he had been drunk enough to not make it inside, he might have drunk enough to give himself alcohol poisoning. Mia sank down with an effort and reached out to feel the pulse at the side of Rami’s jaw. He was breathing more or less normally, and his pulse against her fingers felt slow, but not so slow to cause her alarm.
Mia pulled herself up with a groan, and her fear shifted into anger. Not only had Rami gone out and gotten drunk, but he had gotten himself so drunk that he couldn’t get into the house at the end of it. “If he drove home like that, I am going to rip him a new hole somewhere on his body,” Mia said bitterly. She exhaled sharply, feeling the baby stir inside of her in response to the rapid shift of emotions. For just a moment, the