“What happened?”
“I interviewed with this chef that I really wanted to work with.” He clenched his jaw as he remembered how that had gone. “Maybe I went in too cocky. I didn’t want anyone to know how much the job meant to me in case I lost the chance.”
“He picked someone with more experience?”
“Worse.” He clenched his teeth as the old pain rolled through him. “The chef told me I wasn’t going to make it in the culinary field and I should try something else.”
“He said that?” Claire’s eyes widened with outrage.
“I should thank him because he didn’t give me false hope. This guy’s opinion meant a lot to me. He was very familiar with the restaurant business. He listed all the reasons why the industry would chew me up and spit me out.” Jason frowned as he remembered the pain of that moment. “You know, I’ve never told anyone about that. Not even my parents. They already wanted me to abandon cooking and work in the family business. After that, I tried to find any apprenticeship. But I think the hiring chefs could see the desperation coming off me. No one accepted me and I finally had to work for my family.”
“That was years ago,” she pointed out. “It’s different now.”
“Yeah, it is different. I’m too old to go after this dream.”
“No, you’re not,” she insisted. She grabbed his arm, and he got the sense she would have shaken him if she could. “Do you know how many clients I have who are on their second or third career?”
“It’s too late for me.” He had a good job and great friends. It wasn’t the life he had chosen, but he liked what he had. Why change it to go after a dream? He could lose so much by chasing after a goal that would only bring him disappointment.
Claire studied his expression. “You told me you still dreamed about it.”
“In passing. When I have a bad day at work.” His mind often drifted to the idea when he wasn’t careful. He was watching too many reality cooking shows and documentaries about a chef’s life. The challenge and creativity excited him in ways he couldn’t explain.
“You’re bored here.” She gestured around his office.
He stiffened his spine. Was it that obvious? “Where did you get that idea?”
“I’m sure you thought working in your family’s business was going to be temporary. You would regroup and try again. But you were successful here and you needed that feeling. After getting rejected everywhere you went, you wanted a win.”
It was the truth. He hadn’t planned to make Mountain Creek his world. He’d figured he’d work here for a few months. He had been here over five years. How had that happened? Where had the time gone?
“I bet the wine bar was a small step to your dream.” Claire gave him a sympathetic smile. “It was a bridge between what your family wanted and what you dreamed about. It’s probably the only time you were cautious. And for good reason. Do you know how many restaurants fail within the first year?”
He nodded. He had seen the numbers and it had scared the hell out of him. He couldn’t fail in such a grand way. The humiliation would be public and expensive. If his restaurant wasn’t successful, he didn’t want people to know he’d given his best and it hadn’t been good enough.
“But now the wine bar isn’t filling a need anymore,” Claire guessed. “And it can’t because it’s not your dream.”
Jason pulled away from her. He didn’t like that she could read him this easily. “I don’t know why you’re pushing this.” He tossed the brochure on his desk and realized his mistake. He should have thrown it in the trash. Handed it back to Claire. But for some reason he didn’t.
“You’ve always had a restless energy but it’s stronger these days. Haven’t you noticed?” she asked. “You distract yourself with these parties and events. You’re keeping busy, but it’s not the same. Why don’t you admit it? You want to try again.”
“No, I don’t want to.” He’d rather work on something that would succeed than put all of his time and energy into one last chance and have it slip through his hands again.
“Because you believe you’ll fail?” Claire asked. “Failing isn’t the end result. It’s part of the process.”
Jason tilted his head back and groaned. “Yeah, I’ve heard all of the motivational quotes about failure. Once, I believed that if you work hard enough you get what you want. That’s not true. That’s the biggest lie of all.”