“I made my choice, Dev.” She tried to shove her elbow in his stomach, but he didn’t budge. “I’m not about to change my mind.”
“About the sex? I believe it,” he said drowsily. “About staying in bed? You’re going to creep out of it like a thief the minute I fall asleep.”
“So you’re going to hold on to me all night long?” Tina wasn’t sure why she sounded surprised. Dev had always gathered her in his arms while they slept. Back then, the sweet gesture made her feel cherished. Now it felt like imprisonment.
His embrace tightened with warning. “Go to sleep.”
“How can I?” she complained.
Dev’s large hand slid along the curve of her hip. “I know one technique that always left you soft, warm and sleepy.”
She shivered as she remembered how he would drag out the pleasure until her skin was bathed with sweat. Her muscles would be straining, her lungs ready to burst as her heart thumped wildly against her rib cage. She would beg, plead and threaten him if he didn’t sink deep into her body. With each measured thrust, he had created a roaring fire that had consumed her.
“Cold?” he taunted, his mouth close to her ear. “Is that why you’re wearing this old thing?” Dev pulled at her white cotton tunic.
“No.” She had difficulty getting the word out of her mouth.
“Your negligees are still in the closet.” Dev crushed the fabric in his fist.
“I know.” She had avoided the lace and silk slips on purpose. She had also tried to ignore another section of her closet. “So are my maternity clothes.”
Dev’s pause was almost tangible. He seemed momentarily at a loss. As if he hadn’t expected her to mention the baby. Tina didn’t move when his hand slid along her flat stomach. “I didn’t want to get rid of those,” he confessed. “Of anything.”
Tina felt the tears well up. She blinked rapidly as her nose and throat stung. “Why not?” she whispered.
“Why would I?” He continued to stroke her stomach and the tender caress lulled her. “I knew you would be back.”
“All of those clothes hold bad memories.” It wasn’t quite true. She had been so excited about the baby. Every milestone had been cause for celebration. She’d bought those maternity clothes in anticipation of her ever-changing body. She’d never had a chance to wear some of them.
“There were a few good memories,” he said calmly as his hand moved higher. “I remember the silk nightgown you wore on our wedding night.”
Tina shook her head. She knew he was trying to distract her from thinking about the unused maternity wear, but that nightgown represented her naïveté. She had carefully chosen the white silk, believing the night represented hope and eternal love.
“I’m never wearing that again,” she vowed. “Tomorrow I’m stuffing it in the garbage.”
His hand spanned her ribs, just under her breast. “You’ll wear it if I ask you.”
She scoffed. “In your dreams.”
His mouth rested against her ear. “You’re not wearing anything in my dreams.”
Tina clenched her jaw. “Go to sleep, Dev.”
“Good night, jaan.” She felt him flex his tense fingers before he reluctantly removed his hand. “Do you want me to keep the light on? Are you still having nightmares?”
“No,” she admitted. Those bad dreams after her miscarriage had been so terrifying they had ripped her out of a deep sleep with a scream on her lips. She hated that Dev had witnessed her fears. “I haven’t had one for a while.”
“Good,” he said with satisfaction as he reached for the lamp and turned off the lights. The room was plunged into darkness. “But if you do, don’t hesitate to wake me up.”
She frowned at his offer. “What good is that going to do?”
He rested his hand on her head. Her scalp tingled and she was very aware of how exposed she felt without her long hair. “I’ll chase your demons away, Tina.”
She wished that were true, but she’d learned the hard way that he wouldn’t be there when she needed him.
* * *
Dev watched the sun rising as he held Tina in his arms. It had taken her hours before she had fallen asleep. When her tense muscles had gradually relaxed, it had felt like a hard-won victory.
Tina had always been a restless sleeper but it had never bothered him. It had felt like she was searching for him even in her sleep. Tonight she had reached for him, muttering something indecipherable and quieted down when her hand touched his skin.
Now she was curled up tight against his chest. This was the closest they’d been since they’d lost their son. A sigh shuddered through him. Tina had slowly drifted away and it had gotten worse in the last days before she disappeared.