“What are you doing?” Jill asked as she sat down next to her.
Christine lifted the notebook. “I’m writing a new bucket list.”
“Why?” Jill said with some concern. “What was wrong with the old one?”
She shrugged and looked down at the ideas she had scratched out on her latest list. “There were a lot of outdated dreams on that one.”
“Do you really think that you are in the right frame of mind to make some life goals?” Jill asked as she leaned back on the swing. “Now isn’t the time to give up on your dreams.”
“I’m not giving up. I’m prioritizing,” Christine explained. “I’m getting rid of the things that seemed so important when I was eighteen.”
“I’m sure there are a few things that you still want to do.”
“There are, but just a few. I think finding my original list upset me because I didn’t achieve anything. I could have done any of those things in ten years, but I wasn’t willing to take the risk.”
“You were busy,” Jill said.
“No one is that busy. I made excuses and I put other people’s needs first. I was more comfortable helping others and was too scared to go after my dreams because I didn’t want to fail. It was easier to think anything was possible if I didn’t try.”
“And now?”
“I thought about what I really want in life. This list represents the woman I am today.”
Jill held out her hand. “Can I see?”
Christine gave her the notebook. She wasn’t nervous about showing it to others. She wanted everyone to know what she planned to do. “These goals are the ones I want to achieve now. The dreams I can’t wait to achieve. The ones I’m willing to risk everything to accomplish.”
Jill frowned as she read the list. She turned the page and saw the blank paper beneath it. “There are only ten things.”
“I pruned the list and put down the dreams I really want to pursue. Like climbing Mount Rainier.” She tapped her finger on the paper. “I’ve always talked about that.”
“I recognize a lot of these dreams. Getting a tattoo... Going to Hawaii... These are all things you’ve talked about in the past,” Jill said as she handed the notebook to Christine. “It’s a good start.”
“Good start?” Christine repeated. “This is the final draft.”
“But there are a few areas that you didn’t mention,” her friend argued. “I notice you don’t have anything about falling in love or getting married. Nothing about being in a committed relationship. Is that on a different list?”
Christine dipped her head and stared at the list. “I already fell in love,” she said softly. “I don’t want to do it again.”
“Because you’re still in love with Travis,” Jill said with a groan. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re hiding away in your house.”
“I’m not!” Christine said with a scoff.
Jill’s eyebrow rose as she gave Christine a knowing look. “Or are you hoping that Travis will return?”
“He won’t.” Christine hated how her voice hitched.
“You say that, but you’ve been hibernating ever since Travis left.” She motioned at the pile of blankets, the stack of travel magazines and the numerous coffee cups. “That was a month ago.”
“I’m not nesting or hibernating or whatever you call it. I’m taking a step back and considering my next move.”
“I remember when your dad left,” Jill said. “You sat on this porch for days, looking out on the street, waiting for him to come back.”
Great. She’d been following the same pattern since she was eighteen. “That was different. No one kicked my dad out of the house. Travis isn’t coming back because I told him to go.”
Jill slanted a look at Christine. “Does he always do what you tell him?”
She chuckled at the thought. “No, but I haven’t seen or heard from him since he left. I thought about calling him. In fact, I even dialed his number and heard it ring. But I didn’t know what to say.”
“How about, I made a mistake. Let’s talk.”
“It’s not that easy. He did have ulterior motives and I don’t know if I can trust him again.”
“Then you need to forget about him,” Jill said as she rose from the porch swing. “You need to get out of the house and go somewhere. You don’t even have to cross the city limits. Let’s go to the teahouse and have a bite to eat.”
Christine winced as she thought about walking around Cedar Valley. “I really caused a scene when he left. I’m embarrassed.”