The silence shrilled around them. She fidgeted in her seat, wanting to move away from him. She opened her mouth and just as quickly shut it as he leaned back. Something was wrong. She didn’t want to ask, she didn’t want to care, he had clearly drawn the line between them. But she hated this awkward tension between them. “Alexander, what’s wrong?”
“Why would you think anything’s wrong?”
“Because you have that look about you.” He raised an eyebrow, a challenge in his expression. She exhaled on a whoosh. She was beginning to understand him a little now, was beginning to pick up the little signals that meant his emotions were far closer to the surface than he would have her believe. “Like you would like nothing better than to inhale me whole.”
He threw his head back and laughed.
She continued as though he hadn’t interrupted. “Only then, you wouldn’t like yourself for what you’ve done so you’ll spit me out again, uncaring of how that makes me feel. I’m not a punching bag for you to hit whenever something angers you. I’m here because Kim asked me to, whether you believe me or not. And—” she swallowed as his gaze searched hers, his attention never wavering from her face “—for reasons beyond my understanding, I’m attracted to you. So stop yanking my chain. Whatever our differences, I thought you a better man than this.”
He cupped her chin, pulled her closer and all air left her lungs. He angled his face and leaned in. It was the perfect position for him to press his lips to hers. She trembled as he watched her like a hungry hawk. Torture methods probably had nothing on what this man could do to her with just a glance.
“I’m not yanking your chain.” His breath breezed over her lips, sending a ripple of longing through her. “I’ve been fighting the insane urge to kiss you, to strip you of every inch of clothing and take you, until neither of us can move an inch much less think about the right or wrong of what we’ve done. It’s a madness in my blood.” The pad of his thumb brushed her lip. “And before you say I’m pining for Kim again—” his gaze became distant and hard “—let me make it clear for the last time, that she never ever evoked anything as uncivilized in me as you do.”
She pushed his hands away and slacked against the chair, her breathing shallow.
“There. Does that make you feel better?”
The tone of his words could slice through the cup in her hands. “No,” she said loudly, her senses slowly coming out of the fog he seemed to spin effortlessly.
“Not even a little kick at the sexual thrall you have me under?”
Her heart kicked against her breast. “No,” she repeated louder, a surge of anger diluting the thrill his words did evoke. “I understand that what would be a minor matter of an inconvenient attraction to any other man is of utmost significance to you. Because your control over what you let yourself feel is what defines you, isn’t it? And the fact that you can’t lock it away, that you can’t turn it off is driving you nuts. So, no, I can’t rejoice in the fact that you despise me because you’re failing in your own eyes.”
“I don’t despise you, Olivia.” He tilted her chin in his hands, his touch infinitely gentle. It took everything within her to hold his gaze. “It would be easier if I did but I don’t.”
“No? Only yourself, then,” she said, feeling battered. After that night, she knew how much it cost him to admit what he did just now, yet she felt nothing but hollow inside. How could she be so drawn to a man who was out of her reach on every level there was? “When a man is attracted to me, I want him to embrace the fact, not think it’s beneath him. Whatever my past mistakes, I deserve that much.” Her words sounded confident, defiant even, yet the fact that she had never met such a man nor probably ever would was a painful knot in her stomach.
She braced herself from some caustic remark about her past. Instead, he tucked her arm around his and leaned back into his seat.
They sat in silence like that for a while. A warm and fuzzy feeling uncurled in her stomach as she studied his profile. Even as she fought it, the truth crept in. Alexander, she realized with a slow, agonizing breath, could crumble her good intentions to protect her heart with one simple look or a heartfelt smile.
“Carlos informed me today that Kim never left the island,” he said, gazing straight ahead. “She’s still there.”
Olivia pulled back with a jerk, guilt a constant, heavy shackle she couldn’t shake. It was like a house arrest bracelet that screeched every time her heart ventured into forbidden territory.