That way, lay only madness.
But Ya Allah, she tempted him. She’d always tempted him into madness, into selfishness, into hoping for impossible things, into gut-wrenching love that threatened to make him lose his sense of himself.
Into almost letting it all go to hell—everything his father and he had built for Behraat.
Almost.
If he did, he would never forgive himself and he would come to resent her and it would be the utter ruin he’d always wished to avoid.
Not reaching for her now was like trying to avoid the harsh, beautiful, glittering sun while standing in the middle of the desert, however.
He clamped her chin with his fingers, a primal roar threatening to burst out of him. How many times would she test him, torment him? How much lower would she bring him?
“If you believed his threats to be empty, why are you here?”
“I didn’t know then. But now...” She shook her head and when she looked up, a sheen coated her midnight-black eyes. Her mouth trembled. “I...came back for you, for us. I came back because I realized what a coward I’ve been, Zafir. I came back because I love you so much.”
Zafir stiffened, even as her words chipped away at him. He released her and fisted his hands. “You have said that before, habeebti. And I believed you.”
He pushed his hand through his hair, feeling as weak as a leaf. And she was the gust of wind that could forever blow him away.
Her shoulders rigid, her stubborn chin lifted, she nodded. Tears fell onto her cheeks and it was all Zafir could do to not take her in his arms. But he’d reached for everything she’d offered once, believed that he could have this light, this happiness that she brought him along with Behraat.
That he needn’t be alone after all for the rest of his life, with nothing but the desert and Behraat stretched before him, that he was loved.
“I know how much I hurt you.” She took a bracing breath, and wiped away her tears. And he could see her heart in those brilliant eyes of hers, her courage, her honesty and her love for him. He felt ragged then, at the battle within. And for once, he desperately wanted to lose.
“I’m so new to this whole thing,” she was saying then, and each step she took toward him sent his pulse racing, crumbled his will, word by word. “It was myself I didn’t believe in, Zafir, not you. But now I know myself. I believe in myself and that makes what you feel for me so much clearer. Makes this wildfire between us so gut-wrenchingly simple.
“I followed you before I even understood myself, Zafir. Now...now that I can trust myself, I would follow you to the end of the world.”
She pressed her mouth to his, tentative and hot and a punch to his senses. Like a kick to his gut. Like pleasure so intense and shocking that it bordered on pain.
He fell apart then. Again and again as she anchored herself on his shoulders and took his mouth with such primitive, possessive passion. Claimed him. Marked him. Undid him all over again.
But this time, he welcomed the naked, raw, powerlessness that shuddered through him. Let it wash over him, knowing that it would be all right. Gave himself over to her soft nips and strokes.
“I love you, Zafir, so much. Mere words could not encompass it all. Tell me I haven’t lost my chance with you. Please tell me—” she broke then, a catch in her throat, a tremble in those deceptively slender shoulders. And Zafir took over.
In the next breath, he was devouring her, tasting her. It was his will that took over then, his love for this courageous woman that kept feeding the fire.
He picked her up and brought her to the bed. Pushed all that wild, dark hair away from her face and tilted her chin up. Tasted her roughly, deeply, desperately. “You’re my heart, Lauren. You bring such joy, such light to my life, habeebti.” He traced the lush lower lip. “Trusting in this thing between us, allowing myself to love you, it’s the most terrifying thing I have done.
“But I submit to it, I choose this, I choose you like I’ve chosen nothing else, Lauren. I willingly become weak for you.”
Nodding, she threw her arms around him. And then she cried while he held her trembling body. Like he’d never seen her.
He knew it was fear leaving her body, that she needed it and he told her that there would be nothing but light after this, that he would never ever permit her to cry like this ever again. Because he couldn’t take it.
She laughed then, and looked up at him. “Ever the powerful sheikh, Zafir?” But there was only tenderness in her gaze. She took his hands in hers and brought them to her face. Kissed the center of his palm, love shining in her eyes.
“I love you, Lauren.”
“I love you, too.” Then she directed his hands to her belly. And his heart felt as if it would rip out of his chest. “I know, Zafir.”