He didn’t smile back, just stood there a moment, then rubbed a hand over his jaw. ‘I wanted to talk to you before we leave for the airport.’
He closed the door, tangled her fingers with his to lead her to the couch. ‘It might be easier if we sit down.’
Perched on the edge, she watched his eyes change, the way they did when he was deep in thought. Or deep inside her…
Her whole body went rigid—with fear, with hope, with fear again. Her heart wept in her chest. She would have clenched her fingers together again or pulled them away but he had a firm hold on both hands. She shook her head. ‘I think we—’
‘Sophie.’ He looked down at their joined hands, then up to her eyes again. ‘I realise my timing’s all wrong, and maybe you don’t want to hear this, but I can’t let you leave without telling you.’
Her breath hitched and he paused, just looking at her like…like…
‘I know you need to tick this trip off your list of life’s goals,’ he said, ‘and if you don’t you’ll regret it. I will never intentionally tread on your dreams, Sophie, or try to stifle your life in any way, but I was thinking, hoping, that we might—’
‘Stop.’ She tugged her hands from his and pushed at him. ‘Wait.’ He was heading in a direction she couldn’t go and her heart was already breaking. ‘I need to tell you something first.’
Needing distance and at least some modicum of control, she stood. Not wanting to read what she’d see in those jade-green eyes, she needed to look somewhere else, anywhere but at his face. She dropped her chin, stared at the floor. ‘I can’t have children, Jared.’ Her words choked in her throat and in the stunned silence she heard his indrawn breath. ‘So whatever you were about to say, don’t.’
She was aware of the muted traffic hum and small bird chatter outside the window. The refrigerator’s noisy drone kicked in.
‘Sophie…honey…’ he began, finally. ‘I…’
Closing her eyes, she shook her head. ‘No. I don’t want to hear it.’
‘Okay. I need a minute here.’ His voice was tight, as if he was having trouble breathing.
She knew. He was having trouble breathing because he was deciding on the best way to extricate himself from the knot he’d been about to tie around his own throat.
‘I should have told you.’ She opened her eyes, this time daring to look up, past compressed lips and into that maelstrom in his eyes. Or maybe I shouldn’t have told you at all.
And now to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth. ‘I fell in love with you, Jared. Your loyalty, your sense of humour, your perceptiveness, your integrity. You’ve given me the most precious of gifts. You valued me as an employee, desired me as a lover, you respect me as a woman. You’ve given me strength and a new belief in myself, but I can’t give you what you want most.’
Jared stared at her while an iron fist pummelled his chest. ‘Let me be the judge of that.’ His words slashed the air, harsh and deep, like the shock carving a canyon through his body. ‘I’ll be the one who decides what I want.’
‘Don’t you see?’ she said softly. ‘I’m saving you from having to make that decision.’ The sound of a car’s horn drew her attention to the window. ‘I have to go—I have a cab waiting.’
‘But…hang on just a damn minute here.’ He crossed to her in quick strides, caught her arm. ‘I’m taking you to the airport. We arranged it.’
Again she lifted her hand to his chest. ‘No. Please, no. I hate emotional airport goodbyes. It’s better this way.’
‘So you’re…what…just dropping this bomb on me and leaving? Without giving me a chance to discuss this with you?’
‘There’s nothing to say. It’s just the way it is.’
‘The hell it is.’ He slammed a fist against his thigh. He felt as if he were sinking in quicksand. He needed time but he didn’t have it.
The buzzer sounded and she walked to the door, opened it. ‘Good afternoon, just these cases,’ she told the cabbie, indicating the two rolling suitcases beside her.
She swung a large bag over her shoulder, then placed her key on the kitchen bench. ‘You’ll need this to lock up.’
So caught up in the whirlwind tearing through his mind, he almost forgot, withdrawing a brown-paper package from his jacket pocket. ‘Parting gift. Don’t open it till you’re on your way tomorrow.’ He crossed the few steps between them, tucked it into her carry-all.
‘Oh…thank you…’ Her eyes welled with moisture. ‘I left something for you too. With Melissa. She’s at home with it, waiting for you right now.’ She leaned close and whispered, ‘Goodbye, Jared,’ then kissed him softly.