There was a huge difference between seeing a baby on a computer screen during a video call, and being in the same room as one. Mentally, Angelo locked away all the longing and the loneliness. This wasn’t about him; it was about his sister and being able to make her feel all was right with the world. He’d managed to cope so far with the babies of friends—friends who didn’t know exactly why Stephanie had divorced him.
But he wasn’t prepared for the feelings that flooded through him when Camilla shyly put her daughter—his niece, his own flesh and blood—in his arms. A surge of love and tenderness that he’d never experienced before. Something that made the longing and the loneliness burn; yet, at the same time, this was so precious and special.
‘Serafina Frederica,’ he whispered.
She was two weeks old. She’d been born a month premature, so her skin was still wrinkly rather than plump, and her fingers were oh, so tiny.
‘She’s so like you, Cammie,’ he said. ‘I can see Ed in her, too, but she’s the image of you. Just how I remember you being when I was five and Dad brought me to the hospital to meet you for the first time.’
Tears glittered in her eyes. ‘Angelo—’
‘She’s gorgeous,’ he said. ‘My niece. I never expected...’ He met his sister’s gaze. ‘I didn’t expect her to make me feel like this. Proud and protective.’ Even though it underlined what he’d never had, this was still something to be cherished. His niece. A baby whose life he’d be able to share, watch her grow up and love her more each day.
‘Ed and I—we wondered if you’d—I know it’s hard,’ Camilla said.
‘If I’d what?’
‘You don’t have to say yes, not if it’s too much.’ Camilla looked worried.
‘Cammie, you’re my baby sister and nothing is too much to ask,’ he said gently.
She squirmed. ‘Would you be her godfather?’
‘Yes. Definitely yes.’ He cradled his niece. He’d wanted a baby so much. He’d planned it all out in his head: he and Stephanie would have two or three children, a fluffy golden retriever, a garden full of laughter and sunshine at weekends. Stephanie had wanted that, too. It would’ve been perfect.
Except it hadn’t happened, thanks to the mumps.
He pushed the thought away. Not now. He needed to focus on how lucky he was to have a grandfather and sister he adored, a mother he loved deeply even though her theatricality drove him a little crazy, a brother-in-law he liked and respected, and now tiny little Serafina. Being a godfather was the next best thing to being a father. Let love drown the sorrow.
And he already loved his niece. He noticed that her eyes had already changed from a newborn blue to a deep brown.
‘So I’ll be her godfather as well as her uncle,’ he said. ‘That’s wonderful, Cammie. I’m so glad you asked me.’
‘Really?’
‘Really,’ he confirmed. ‘I’m not just saying it. I’m—’ His voice sounded slightly choked. ‘I’m honoured. Delighted. It’s... It’s the closest I’ll get to being a dad, and I... Thank you.’
There were tears in her eyes. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Angelo.’
‘I’m not hurt,’ he fibbed, stuffing down the heartache. ‘I’m just so glad. I love you, Cammie. And I love my niece. My goddaughter-to-be.’
Unexpectedly, he found himself thinking of Mariana. Did she have any nieces or nephews? Was she close to them? Did she want children of her own?
But that question could open up his world of bleakness again. He needed to keep that locked away. Focus on what he could have, not what he couldn’t.
‘We’ll let your mamma feed you, mimma,’ he said softly, handing the baby back. ‘And then your mamma can open my present to you and I’ll read you the first story from it. When you’re older, you’ll love the pictures. Maybe you’ll be like your nonna and your bisnonno and appreciate art, unlike your Zio Angelo.’
Again, tears glistened in Camilla’s eyes. ‘Angelo, this means so m—’
‘I know,’ he cut in gently. ‘I was always going to love her, Cammie.’ Always. Even though his heart ached and wished that he, too, had a baby to share his family’s love. Focus on the good. Don’t focus on what they couldn’t have. Be grateful for the very, very good things they already had: their family.