Planning had helped him cope with being thrown in at the deep end and being responsible for everything, without having the safety net of his father’s experience to help him. And planning meant that everything was always under control. Just the way he liked it.
She bit her lip. ‘I’ve got a wedding show in two months. My first collection. This could make all the difference to my career—this could be what really launches me into the big time. I’m hoping that one of the big wedding fashion houses might give me a chance to work with them on a collection. So I really don’t have time for a relationship right now.’
‘And I’ve just finished fighting off a takeover bid from an international conglomerate who wanted to add Farrell’s to their portfolio,’ he said. ‘The vultures are still circling. I need to concentrate on the business and make absolutely sure they don’t get another opening. If anything, I need to expand and maybe float the company on the stock market to finance the expansion. It’s going to take all my time and then some.’
‘So we’re agreed: this is the wrong time for either of us to start any kind of relationship. By the time it is the right time, we’ll both be back to our senses and we’ll know it’d be the wrong thing to do anyway.’
That was something else she’d thrown at him—he was the sensible one, the one who planned things out and was never spontaneous. So why wasn’t he the one making this argument instead of her? Why had he sent her flowers and moved an appointment so he could see her for lunch?
It was totally crazy. Illogical.
And he couldn’t do a thing to stop it.
Which exhilarated him and terrified him at the same time. With Claire, there was a real risk of losing control. And if he wasn’t in control...what then? The possibilities made his head spin.
The only thing he could do now was to state the facts. ‘I want you,’ he said softly. ‘And I think you want me.’
‘So, what? We have a stupid, crazy, insane affair?’
He grimaced. ‘Put like that, it sounds pretty sleazy.’
‘But that’s what you’re offering.’
Was it? ‘No.’
She frowned. ‘So what are you suggesting, Sean?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said. And it was a position he’d never actually been in before. He’d always been the one to call the shots. The one who initiated a relationship and the one who ended it. He shook his head, trying to clear it. But nothing changed. It was still that same spinning, out-of-control feeling. Like being on the highest, fastest, scariest fairground ride. ‘All I know is that I want you,’ he said.
‘There’s too much at stake. No.’
‘Unless,’ he said, ‘we have an agreement.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘What kind of agreement?’
‘We see each other. Explore where this thing goes. And then, whatever happens between us, we’re polite to each other in front of Ashleigh. Nobody gets hurt. Especially her.’
‘Can you guarantee that?’ she asked softly.
‘I can guarantee that I’ll always be polite to you in front of Ashleigh.’ He paused. ‘The rest of it—I don’t think anyone could guarantee that. But maybe it’s worth the risk of finding out.’ Risk. Something he didn’t usually do unless it was precisely calculated. This wasn’t calculated. At all. He needed his head examined.
‘Maybe,’ she said.
He curled his fingers round hers. His skin tingled where it touched her. ‘Come and have lunch with me.’
She smiled then. Funny how it made the whole room light up. That wasn’t something he was used to, either.
‘OK,’ she said. ‘I just need to get my bag.’
‘Sure.’ He waited for her; then, when she’d locked the shop door behind them, he took her hand and walked down the street with her.
CHAPTER SIX
CLAIRE WAS WALKING hand in hand with Sean Farrell. Down the high street in Camden. On an ordinary Monday lunchtime.
This was surreal, she thought.
And she couldn’t quite get her head round it.
But his fingers were wrapped round hers, his skin was warm against hers, and it was definitely happening rather than being some kind of super-realistic dream—because when she surreptitiously pinched herself it hurt.
‘So what do you normally do for lunch?’ Claire asked.
‘I grab a sandwich at my desk,’ he said. ‘In the office, we put an order in to a local sandwich shop first thing in the morning, and they deliver to us. You?’
‘Pretty much the same, except obviously I eat it well away from my work area so I don’t risk getting crumbs or grease on the material and ruining it,’ she said.