“You’re the smartest person I know. You’re the strongest person I know. You’re the most patient and kind and thoughtful person I’ve ever met,” I say. “So, I’m going to give you all the facts and let you decide what you want. And whatever that is, I’ll respect it.”
She seems amused by this, which is fine. I am too.
The truth is, I need her to choose me. I need her to look at me like a baby standing in front of her and still decide I’m the right choice. I need her to choose me and forever with me.
My heart pounds, my palms sweat as I look at her.
“Okay,” she says. “Shoot. What are my options?”
Her hands relax, and her fingers lace with mine. I’m not sure she realizes she’s doing it.
“I promise not to let my shit get in the way of you and me. And if I start to do it, I want you to call me out on it, which I know you’ll hate doing.”
She pretends to consider this.
I take a deep, shaky breath.
“I’ll just … I’ll love you. And I’ll take your love, which is hard for me because I start overthinking everything and …”
She places a hand over my mouth and takes a step toward me. The jade flecks shine like the stars on a clear night, and I want to kiss her like she needs to be kissed. But I can’t. Not yet.
I’m going to spell it out, bare it all, and if she says yes, I’m all in. I’ll be in so far she won’t know what hit her.
“I want to grow old with you,” I whisper as she drops her hands. “I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you curled up against me, making me too hot. I want to fix you grilled cheese when I come home from the bar and hold you when you have a bad day.”
“I want you to hold me when I have good days, too.”
My heart beats a mile a minute. “I love you more, Hadley. Not more than you love me, but more than all our fights and disagreements. I love you more than the bad days and the bullshit we’ll have to go through in life. Because if I have to go through it, I don’t want to do it without you.”
“Oh, Mach …”
Her voice cracks as she wraps her arms around my waist. She buries her head in my chest, and I hold her so tight I think I might break her.
“All I can promise you is you’ll never find someone to love you more than me,” I say, kissing the top of her head.
She pulls back and looks up at me. “You know if you would’ve done this a long time ago, it would’ve stopped a lot of problems, right?”
“Yeah.”
She bites her lip. “You’re serious. Right? Like you won’t leave or second-guess this or back away once reality hits you.”
“No.”
“I swear on my life, if you pull that shit again, I won’t come back, and I’ll find the one guy in the world who will drive you absolutely crazy and marry him on the spot.”
“You’re pushing it.” I give her a look.
“I mean it. I’ll marry Logan just to spite you.”
She laughs.
As the sound washes over my ears, I think back to what Lance said about getting married. And then I think about Nana lying in the hospital bed, the wedding ring on her finger from a man who’s been dead for years.
Looking at Hadley, I kick myself for all the years we’ve wasted because of me. Letting another day go by seems like such a waste of a life. Too many days have come and gone to forfeit another.
I suck in a breath, my head spinning, but I’ve never felt more confident in a decision than this one.
“You’ve never really been mine but have always been mine,” I say.
“Your fault.”
“Yes. My fault,” I agree. “I don’t have a ring because I didn’t think this out, but thinking gets me in trouble sometimes, and I’m really trying to just go with the flow here and do what’s right and …” I take a deep breath, bending on one knee. “Will you marry me, Hadley Jacobs?”
She jerks her hands out of mine and covers her mouth. Tears stream, her body shaking so hard I can’t quite figure out if this is good or bad.
“Only you,” she says, laughing through the tears. “Only you can go from one to one thousand in half a second.”
“I’m doing what feels right,” I say, a nervous wobble to my voice.
“And you want to propose?”
“Even if you say no, I’ll love you and I’ll convince you that—”
She hits me in the chest before propelling herself at me. I fall backward, holding her as I land on the floor.