Jace guessed he had.
Thirty-Six
Faith
Shaking through the last button on my blouse, I took another glance around the room.
The bedroom that I’d always thought of as mine and Jace’s—locked away and hidden like a treasure that was right there.
Out of sight but not forgotten.
It’d felt as if he were inviting me to step back into that time. Back to when we’d lost each other. It eased so much and somehow only bred more questions.
Heaving out a breath, I slipped out the door, not sure how I was supposed to explain any of this to my innocent daughter.
How could I when I wasn’t sure myself?
When it still felt like there was a fog of confusion holding me hostage. This afternoon had been one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life.
Joseph.
The loss of him still cut and marred. Especially with the way he’d been so violently taken.
He’d been there for me when I’d felt so utterly alone and abandoned. My friend who’d slowly grown to be something more.
My supporter.
My lover.
But reluctantly, I could almost admit that something had always been off.
Joseph, what did you do? You were always so sweet and devoted. Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me you needed help?
I would have been there for him.
Helped him the way he’d always helped me. Regardless of the fact that we’d been little more than friends, living our lives the best way that we could, I’d been devoted to him.
Loyal to him.
Had he really not been loyal to me? Fed me lies by omission?
Or had they really been bold-faced lies? Every time he walked out the door, had it been under false pretenses?
No.
I couldn’t fathom it.
Maybe he’d gotten caught up in something he didn’t fully understand.
Had been as confused then as I was as I tried to ponder it all out.
I slipped out the door and took one step in the direction of my daughter’s room, only to stumble to a stop.
A bittersweet breath pulled deep into the well of my lungs.
Surety fell over me like I’d just been wrapped in the warmest blanket after I’d been left for dead out in the middle of a freezing snowstorm.
Comfort and security.
It was written right there.
In the way Jace knelt on one knee in front of her, his fingers gentle as he swept the unruly mass of her waves from her face.
In the tenderness of his voice as he murmured, “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m right here. You don’t have to be afraid.”
He pulled her into his arms, hugging her close to his chest. She wrapped her little arms around his neck. “Don’ts never leave me, Jacie.”
My heart twisted and pulsed. Just seeing it made it hard to breathe.
So much of this felt wrong. Seeing my daughter in Jace’s arms.
Because I felt like some kind of terrible person when my first thought was it was meant to be that way all along.
“I won’t, sweetheart. How could I ever leave my Unicorn Girl?”
“You sway aww the dragons?”
He squeezed her tight. “Always.”
My spirit soared. So high. So high.
I felt as if my feet might not be touching the ground as I followed them into her room where he was tucking her back in.
Her sweet eyes found me from the doorway. She sent me a smile that shattered me a little.
The amount of love that continually burst from the middle of me when I looked at her still sometimes shocked me.
And to think I could very well have lost her today. How terrified I’d been when that car had hit us earlier.
I felt like I was being sucked from one direction to the other. Waves coming at me from every side.
Mercy and grief.
Mercy and grief.
Pulling and pushing. Both fighting for dominance.
Filling me with life and threatening to drown me in the midst of it.
She looked back up at Jace, who was still kneeling at the side of her bed. “Mommy and Bailey and Jacie.”
She said it with a wide, wide grin, though there was no missing the question behind it.
Jace turned that penetrating gaze on me. Copper eyes flashed. Filled with too much.
The most wistful kind of smile pulled up at the corner of my mouth.
Jace turned back to her and answered for all of us. “Yeah. Mommy and Bailey and Jacie.”
He tucked her under her covers, kissing her forehead, and I edged across the room so I could tell her good night again.
I peppered my love to her temple. To her nose. To her chin. “Good night, my sweet girl.”
“Night, Mommy.”
“We’re right here if you need us.”
“Oh-kay,” she said, sleepiness falling back over her.
Reluctantly, I moved back toward the hall. If I could stay right there, in the safe confines of that room, just the three of us?
Forever?
I would.
Jace seemed to be feeling the same way because a distinct wariness had taken him over when he pushed to his feet.