Agony cut me right in two.
Physical.
This pain that took me over at the thought of this powerful man a boy.
Scared and hungry and afraid.
All those scars that covered his body.
I didn’t have the first idea of what he’d gone through. The only thing I knew was I wanted to go back and wrap him up and stop it from ever happening.
I wondered if he knew that was exactly what he was doing for my children.
Protecting them from torment.
Different than his, but the kind that would leave scars all the same.
“Jace had stolen it for him,” she mused quietly, rocking on the porch rocker, as if she’d been taken back to that time. She glanced over at me, tears shimmering in her dark eyes. “They took care of each other that way. Their childhood . . . it was a battle. A warzone. One they were forced to fight even though they’d never enlisted. The aftermath left them completely different and so intrinsically the same.”
Her throat bobbed when she swallowed. “Fearful. Scared. Thinking they have something to prove. And really the only proof they need is for someone to show them that they deserve to be loved. Not because they earned it, but because of who they are.”
Hesitation buzzed around her, and she glanced away, her words careful. “But I think Ian’s wounds go deeper than either Jace or I can see. The man’s terrified of loving or being loved in return, so that heart of his doesn’t know what to do. How to give or how to receive. It’s grown dark and bitter. That might be the greatest tragedy of all.”
Mallory’s squeal broke through the air, capturing our attention when she was tagged. “No fair! No fair! You’re a superhero, and I’m only a princess!”
“What are you talking about, Mal Pal? I thought you were a magic princess?” Ian bounced Sophie. “And your little sister is a magic princess, too. That’s how she caught you, isn’t it, Soph?”
Sophie clapped. “Sophie win!”
My heart went crazy. Shaking and shivering and stretching out. Because the risk I had wasn’t in not being able to love someone.
It was in how desperately I did.
I knew it from the start. Even being in his space was dangerous.
That I was going to fall.
Hard and fast and completely.
But none of that seemed to matter because I stood anyway when Ian gestured for me to come and join him.
Rays of wintery light streaked through the sky. But it was the light radiating from Ian that speared me. The man’s presence a force I didn’t know how to stand under.
It only shivered brighter the closer I came, and he tugged at my hand. “You’re it.”
God, just the rough cadence of his voice sent me into a swoon.
Somehow, I let myself laugh as we ran and played, darted and diverted and tagged.
I lost my breath when Ian tackled me. His big body pressed against mine where he had me pinned on the ground. The pants from his mouth rough and his heart racing. With my eyes, I silently begged him to kiss me. To show me why he’d run from me when we’d been in the bathroom.
Faith’s concerns remained fresh in my mind. Though they didn’t scare me. They felt like a buoy.
As if I’d gotten one step closer to this man when I already felt lost in the middle of him.
He froze for a moment, those eyes so tender yet confused as they flicked between my unwavering gaze and my mouth.
The air shivered and shook.
Kiss me.
Squeezing his eyes closed, he dipped his head before he peeled himself away, stretching out a hand, refusing to meet the silent questions rushing from me as he helped me to stand, though I could feel the torment in the squeeze of his hand.
“You’re it, Momma! Ian Zian caught you, you’re it!” Mallory shouted.
Oh, God, did he catch me.
I darted for my daughter. She squealed and ran.
We spent the day that way.
Together.
Faith and Bailey and Jace took us to their favorite stream at the back of the property where the kids splashed and played, and Thomas looked as if some of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Only because Ian was holding some of it.
In the late afternoon, we returned to the house, and Mallory pulled out our big book so we could add a new chapter. The great escape that had turned into an adventure where we’d all been whisked away to a secret castle hidden in the sky, her little mind running wild as we continued our story and new characters were introduced.
Faith and I made dinner while the guys played a board game with the kids, and I was sure that my life had never felt so full.
So right.
As if I were coming up on eternity.
We ate and we laughed and we talked, and I quickly fell in love with the people at the table.