Reassured a little, the show comes back on and I turn back to my code. “Okay everyone, after spending the last hour or so talking about how ladies’ show attraction, let’s talk about how men do it.”
“Besides popping a stiffy, you mean.”
“Obviously,” Derrick says.
“Well, if that’s the case, since I did you, you have to do me now,” Susannah says. “I mean . . . well, that certainly didn’t come out how I meant it.”
I can hear bullshit in someone’s voice . . . and I’d say right now Derrick’s studio stinks like a dairy farm.
Derrick laughs a little awkwardly. “You know Suz, I think a list might be better, since our fans listen and don’t watch. Quit pouting, Suz, we’ve only got a three hour show.”
Pouting? What the fuck, Derrick, are you blind? She’s flirting with you right now! All that shit she’s been doing for the past hour hasn’t been for the show!
Derrick is trying to get back on topic while Susannah tries to play it off. Finally, he gets around to listing out how guys like to flirt. There’s nothing all that groundbreaking from my point of view. Eye contact, compliments, smiles, brushing hair behind ear, touching the small of her back.
Actually, listening to him makes me smile and forget the anger at Susannah. Derrick’s done all those things to me, plus some. I blush, knowing that Derrick’s little flirts fill my belly with warmth and that he still does them makes me feel . . . I dunno, safe? Appreciated?
“Okay, time for another caller,” Derrick says. “Now, we’ve been covering a lot of classical flirting, but our next caller’s got a slightly more twenty first century problem. We’ve got Kim. Go ahead, Kim.”
“Hi Derrick,” a slightly nervous girl says. “I’ve been talking to this guy online. How do I know if he’s flirting with me? A lot of guys just send me pickup lines, or after the bare minimum of back and forth conversation, they send dick pics. But what about the ones that aren’t perverts?”
Derrick hums. “Sounds like you’ve learned to avoid the sketchy ones. That’s fishing . . . just looking for a hole to put a hook in. Some are just looking for some attention, maybe seeing if they can get some nudie pics without having to actually work for it. Now, maybe you want that, nothing wrong with casual hook ups if that’s what you both want. But if you want more, it’s hard to get to really know someone through words on a tiny screen. Eventually, you need to talk and spend some time together. You need those physical clues.”
Susannah speaks up in agreement. “You gotta look into their eyes for real. And be on the lookout everywhere. You might find the one person you’ve been looking for somewhere you go all the time, like the coffee shop, the gym, or work. Be open and friendly with everyone, and see who’s receptive and then flirt away.”
“That’s kinda hard. I don’t really have a lot of guys around.”
Derrick chuckles, “Kim, roughly half of the population is male, they’re around. I promise. Just stay open to finding them.”
He ends the call, and hums into the mic. “One other area of flirting we haven’t addressed yet is the flirting you do after you’ve already snagged someone.” His usual velvet radio voice has a hint of gravel and I know it’s for me, a signal that he’s thinking of me with this topic. Warmth builds in my tummy.
“Even after you’re in a relationship, flirting is still important. Send good morning and goodnight texts or calls, get them little presents if something reminded you of them. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just a sign you thought of them and what they’d like. Maybe get him a coffee cup from his favorite team to keep at your place, or buy her favorite lotion to keep at yours. Speak to each other and more importantly, listen. Compliment them, their body, their brain, their talents. Your partner should always know what attracted you to them in the first place and what attracts you to them today, whether it’s the same things or new things.”
I smile, thinking that this is nearly a blueprint of how we get along. He’s right, every day he does something to remind me how I make him feel, and he helps me feel beautiful every day. He helps me feel like maybe, just maybe, there’s a silver lining to the clouds in life. Maybe my little Styrofoam cup isn’t so small after all and I can have a bigger slice of ‘happy ever after’ like the one Jessie has and the one my mom is finally getting.
It also reminds me, he needs to get that too. Reaching for my phone, I send him another text. Just to let you know . . . you’re the sexiest, kindest man I’ve ever met. Just thinking of you. Call me later.