But I was definitely drunk every single day.
When the anger passed, I was left with pure misery. My life became filled with sleepless nights, productive work days, and pure emptiness. I didn’t go out and find a woman, and I didn’t call up a woman who would jump into bed with me.
I couldn’t get hard if I tried.
As days passed, I kept rethinking my final conversation with London. It was hard to believe because we seemed happy. The sex was great, the conversation was good…everything felt right. Or did I feel something she never did?
I felt like I was missing something, but I had no idea what it was.
I knew she took her phone because I hadn’t seen it lying around the house. I could call her if I wanted to, but I had way too much pride for that. If she didn’t want to be with me, I wasn’t going to try to convince her otherwise.
No matter how much I loved her.
I spent my time working a lot more than usual and also exercising more than I did before. Now that I had nothing to do with my free time except battle my depression, I tried to stay busy, but there was only so much I could do besides work, drink, and exercise.
Would I ever get over her?
I really thought she was the woman I could spend my life with. I really thought marrying her would be worth the sacrifice of diluting my royal bloodline. I gave up more for her than she realized, and I wondered if she ever grasped that.
Probably not.
There were days when I hated her.
Then there were days when I was in love with her again.
But then I hated her and loved her at the same time.
I wondered if I would ever feel better again, if I would ever feel whole. Spending my life as a manwhore and terminal bachelor didn’t seem so bad, but I’d always wanted to have children. I wanted to make my family grow to fill the sorrow in my chest. I wanted to replace the family that I lost.
Looked like I couldn’t marry for love.
I’d have to find someone as broken as I was.
I was working in my office when Ariel walked inside. She and I hadn’t talked much over the past few days. After that alcohol poisoning disaster, we’d kept our distance from one another. I said some things I shouldn’t have said, and she obviously wished she hadn’t heard them. “What can I do for you?” I skipped the pleasantries altogether.
“You have a minute?” She sat down in the chair in front of my desk. It was the only time I’d seen her without her folder. She wasn’t in her work attire either, just jeans and a t-shirt. Her aura of confidence was snuffed out, and she could barely meet my look.
“Of course. If this is about everything I said when I was in bed, I’m sorry. I—”
“No, Crewe,” she said quickly. “There’s something I need to tell you. It’s difficult because…I know things for us aren’t going to end well.”
I shut my laptop because the email I was writing became irrelevant. Ariel never expressed fear or doubt, so when she did, I knew it was serious. “I’m listening.”
She took a deep breath before she spoke. “Well…I made my feelings for London very clear—”
My phone rang on the desk.
“You can get that,” she said quickly.
I glanced at the screen. “I wonder why Joseph is calling me…” I felt bad interrupting Ariel when this was clearly important, but Joseph didn’t call me unless he had a reason to. Maybe London was hurt. Maybe she needed help. “Sorry, I have to take this.” I placed the phone against my ear. “It’s Crewe. What’s up?”
“I need to talk to you,” he said. “I’m not supposed to say anything or get involved. London said she would kill me. But I feel like I should say something as her older brother.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about, but now I needed to know. “What is it?”
“She left because of that little cunt of yours, Ariel.”
My eyes moved to Ariel. When I saw the guilty look on her face along with all the fidgeting, I knew she could hear every word Joseph was saying. “What about her?”
“Ariel told London she would only stay if London promised not to marry you. When Ariel found out you were going to propose, she told London and sent her away. London doesn’t want to be in America right now. She just did it because she knew how devastated you would be without Ariel by your side. She knows she’s family to you—all you’ve got. I just wanted to tell you that…” Joseph kept talking, but I didn’t listen to a word he said.
All I could do was stare at Ariel.