Crewe’s smile dropped, but he didn’t look away or show any sign that he was uncomfortable. He held my gaze with the exact same confidence, never shying away from the tension.
I was the first one to drop my gaze because my words embarrassed me. I’d never say that to any other man, even if I had been dating him for years. All I could do was change the subject and hope that was enough to clear the air. “Are you still doing stuff with intelligence?”
Crewe wore the same expression, so I wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything. “Not so much lately. I’ve been distracted with the second distillery. Why do you ask?”
“Just curious. You never talk about it.”
“A lot of people are focused on hostilities in the Middle East. With their heads turned, I’ll be able to gain intel on the stuff going on in Western Europe. But that requires me to attend more social functions, or at least send someone in my stead. Lately, I’ve remained in Scotland.”
“I see…are we going back to Fair Isle anytime soon?”
“Do you like it there?”
“It’s beautiful. But I love it in Edinburgh too. That castle is something else…”
“I love both places,” he said. “Italy as well.”
“How are Crow and Cane doing?”
His eyes fell, and all he did was shake his head.
I hoped that didn’t mean what I thought it meant. “They couldn’t save Vanessa?”
He shook his head again. “She’s dead.”
“Oh…” Unexpected tears filled my eyes, sorrow for a woman I never knew. I didn’t even know what she looked like. There was no face to put to the name. “I’m so sorry…I feel so terrible for them.”
“Crow told me what happened but didn’t say much else. He got off the phone, and I haven’t heard from him. I called him a few weeks ago, and he didn’t answer. I’m sure he just wants to be alone right now.”
“How can you do business with a monster like that?” Bones raped and killed innocent women for pleasure. “You’re better than that, Crewe.”
“Business isn’t personal,” he said simply. “The second you make it about morals is the second you go out of business. I did what I could to help the Barsetti brothers. I’m not responsible for what happened to her.”
“But your hands are still dirty.”
“Bones gets me a lot of intel about the weapons arena. He’s vital.”
I couldn’t agree with him. “You can’t do this forever. One day, you’re going to have a wife and children. You can’t risk their lives with this secret business of yours.”
“When that time comes, I’ll rethink a few things. But for now, it’s nothing personal. Please don’t forget that I never claimed to be anything else but a bad guy. I never gave you any reason to have high expectations.”
I tried not to roll my eyes. “But you are a good guy, Crewe. Let’s not pretend otherwise.”
“Maybe I’m a nice guy to you, but that’s it.”
I didn’t believe that. I’d seen his moral compass, and it pointed straighter than most. “You have more money than you know what to do with. Why do you need this business at all?”
“It’s not about money. It’s never been about money.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“Power.” My tears stopped falling, so he wiped his thumb across my cheek, catching the last drop that clung to my skin. “Information is the most powerful weapon you can have. I managed to discover there was going to be an assassination attempt on the queen’s life. If I’d never uncovered that, she could be dead right now. I use information for leverage, but I also use it appropriately.”
“But you’re never going to get any good information out of a man like Bones.”
“Actually, he was the one who told me about the queen.”
Since Crewe had a response to everything I said, my points didn’t come across well. “I still think you should walk away from that life now—not later. I’m sure you make enemies that way.”
“Life is boring without a few enemies.” He smiled in his typically handsome way.
I didn’t appreciate his words, but nothing I said would make a difference.
He dropped his smile when he saw my annoyance. “I used to live a boring and mediocre life, but I lost my family anyway. I treated Josephine like a queen, but that wasn’t enough to make her stay. I treated you well, and I still got shot in the chest. I don’t play it safe because it doesn’t guarantee anything.”
My hand moved up his arm as the pity rose in my heart. “Just because the world turns dark doesn’t mean you have to.”
“Yes, it does. Making everyone fear you is the best way to keep people in line. The second I go soft, bad shit happens. In order for a king to rule over his kingdom, his subjects must fear his wrath. That’s just how it goes.”