And then I hated myself for caring about her feelings.
I was so fucked up in the head.
What was wrong with me?
A week went by, and I didn’t contact her. I knew she was staying in Edinburgh, but I didn’t have a clue what she was doing. She didn’t come from money, so I didn’t know how she was paying for this expensive trip across the world.
Especially since it was all a waste of money.
Even though she was always in the back of my mind, I refused to go to her. I refused to see her after everything we’d been through.
She claimed I loved her, but that was just wishful thinking.
I didn’t.
At least, I wouldn’t admit it to her or myself.
Dunbar just returned from vacation, and he was still cold to me. He obviously hadn’t forgiven me for my error in judgment, and I couldn’t exactly blame him. He lost friends when Joseph ambushed the castle with his men. It was their job to protect me and the keep, but that was an unnecessary war that could have been easily avoided.
If I’d thought with my brain and not my dick.
The next day, I was taking a trip to my distillery in Edinburgh. I knew London would be in the city, but I hadn’t planned to acknowledge her existence. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t think about her.
Because I always thought about her.
I completed my physical training in the morning, which was excruciating since the muscle had been so severely damaged, and then I sat in the back of the car as Dunbar drove me into the city.
All I had to do was call Dimitri, and I would figure out exactly where she was.
But I didn’t make the request.
I stayed strong—learning from my past mistake.
4
London
I couldn’t say I was surprised by Crewe’s reaction.
I didn’t expect him to forgive me in a heartbeat and take me back in his arms. I knew it would take more time, greater effort. But I didn’t expect him to be so merciless and cold. I knew he still cared about me. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind. But Crewe was the proudest man I’d ever known.
Image was everything to him.
A week passed, and I didn’t hear from him. I was working in a clinic in Edinburgh that wasn’t too far from his new distillery. I didn’t pick the location on purpose. That just happened to be where they stationed me. The pay wasn’t amazing, but the cost of living was cheap enough that I managed. I had a small flat in the city, which allowed me to walk anywhere I wanted. There was a grocery store nearby, and of course, the view was incredible. I was living in one of the oldest towns in the world, but it didn’t feel as historic as the castle I shared with Crewe.
As more time passed, the more I realized I may never get him back.
Everything was working against us, mainly his bitterness. I think all men should be a little proud, but he took it to a new level. It was probably his royal heritage that made him that way. I wasn’t sure what else it could be caused by.
Joseph called me in the afternoon, the same time he called me every day. He knew I was in Edinburgh alone, and being the protective older brother that he was, he needed to check on me. “How’s it going?”
“It’s okay.” I couldn’t really enjoy my new surroundings when I was swallowed by misery.
“Hasn’t called, huh?”
“No…”
“I’m sorry, Lon. But I told you he wouldn’t.”
“I think he just needs some time. I haven’t lost all hope yet.”
“Well, you should. He’s not gonna change his mind.”
I was prepared to let him go if I had to, but I didn’t want to. I certainly didn’t want to return to New York and try to start over, to find a man who made my heart flutter the way Crewe did. I couldn’t fall for another man when I was already in love with someone across the world. “It’s only been a week.”
“It could be a year, and it wouldn’t change anything.” Joseph liked to make his opinion extremely well known, regardless of how it made me feel. He never beat around the bush, not even to protect my ego.
“Maybe I should try contacting him again.”
“And what will that do?”
“Hopefully something.” I had no way of contacting him. All I knew was where he lived, but I feared I wouldn’t be so welcome there a second time. “Or you could give me his number…”
“I could, but I’d rather not.”
Joseph would help me if I pushed him enough. “If I could meet him somewhere else, that would be fine. But he doesn’t leave the castle too often.”
“I’m sure he does. He has that scotch facility in Edinburgh.”
“Yeah, but he usually sends Ariel to do that stuff for him.” Crewe seemed to have recovered from his wound well, but he was probably limiting his outdoor adventures. “Unless you can tell me where he is…”