“So do I.” Those words slip out too, but I think they hurt me more than they could ever hurt him. I don’t want to love Mia. I don’t want her to own even a small corner of my heart, but she still does.
It makes me feel immeasurable guilt. I want to be able to give Carly my whole heart, every single inch of it, but Mia hasn’t given it all back. Now Dom owns a piece of real estate there. My heart was tattered when I gave it to Carly, and though it’s in better shape now, a tattered heart can never be stitched back together quite the way it was at the start.
“You love the idea of Mia,” Mateo tells me. “I love the reality of her.”
“I don’t want you raising my son.”
“It doesn’t matter what you want,” he says, simply.
His prior statement should predict the useless of my next one, but emotions are overriding my ability to think clearly. “I want to be in his life. Even if I can’t raise him, I want to be in his life. He doesn’t even have to know who I am. I’ll cooperate, he can just think I’m… But let me be in his life. I’m not asking to be close to Mia. I have Carly. I’m happy with Carly. You know I’m not a threat to Mia’s affection—she’s chosen you, she’s always going to choose you. Just let me see Dom grow up.”
A flicker of impatience crosses his harsh features. “No.”
“Please. I just want to know him. How would you feel in my position?”
“I would never be in your position,” he informs me. “I’m not a fucking hot-headed idiot. I plan first, then I act. I wouldn’t have half-assed things the way you have. I wouldn’t have executed my plan until it made sense. Your plan hinged on a fucking fantasy. It was never going to work. Only plans based in reality work upon execution. Otherwise, it’s not a plan, it’s a daydream.”
“Yeah, okay, my plan was shit. You’re better at everything—is that what you want to hear? I don’t care. That’s over now. I just want to be in Dom’s life. I don’t want to move back, just… maybe we could come for holidays, like we did this week. Maybe I could send him presents for his birthday and Christmas, Mia could send me pictures and let me—”
“No,” he snaps. “You can keep asking all you want, but the answer won’t change.”
“You have kids—how can you be this heartless?”
“Vince, let me explain something to you.” Mateo sits forward and steeples his hands on the desk, a look of contemplation passing across his features. Finally, he lifts his head and meets my gaze. “In my perfect world, you’re dead. Not as good as dead. Not merely out of my way, living your life where I never have to see you again. Dead. Your lungs are empty of breath, your heart no longer beats; you are decomposing six feet belowground and a dog is shitting on your unmarked grave.”
I sit back in the chair, a little stunned by his honesty. “Wow. Don’t hold back now.”
His lips tilt up ever so slightly. “This is the last time we’ll ever see each other, so why should I? The game is over. Our cards are face-up on the table. Understand that regardless of what Mia may want in her weaker moments, Hell would freeze over before I would ever let you be a part of Dominic’s life. The only reason you’re alive is because it’s what Mia wants, but that’s as far as I’m willing to bend. Every single day that you wake up is a present from Mia to you. Enjoy it. Make better choices, lead a good life—or fall off the fucking earth. I couldn’t care less. Just do it far away from me.”
I can’t hold back a bitter smile as I shake my head. “I’m the one person you’ll hold a grudge against, huh? Doesn’t matter that you won. Doesn’t matter that you got her, that you get to raise my son as yours. You want to keep hating me.”
“I’m not holding a grudge; I just don’t fucking like you. You’ve managed to cross me in ways no man should ever survive, and here you sit, breathing.” He indicates me across the desk, shaking his head like life’s just one big disappointment. “Fucking ridiculous.”
Recklessness takes the wheel and I smirk at this heartless fucking bastard. “So kill me, then.”
“I will, if I ever see you again. If you ever surface in my city, if I hear so much as a whisper that you’re asking about Mia or my son, I will end you. Mia is sufficiently convinced you’re moving on with your life; her conscience is clear now, like it should’ve been all along. If you ever show up on my radar again, Mia will never have to know I killed you. All will be right in my world.” He clasps his hand together, meeting my gaze. “Please, please give me a reason.”