I can’t leave. I can’t leave him here to be kicked around by Mateo’s other kids. Dom deserves better than this shit, and once I leave this house, I can’t protect him.
I should be the one raising him with her, not Mateo. I could do a better job.
Crazy impulses try to rise up in me again. The white house in the sticks where I should have stashed Mia instead of taking her to Vegas.
No, I can’t kidnap her. For one thing, he’d find me. Also, I don’t think Carly would be down with it.
What if I could stay? Mateo let me come back for a week; he’s seen that I haven’t tried to hurt Mia, that I’m still with Carly….
Granted, it’s been hard as hell, and I can’t imagine living this way.
But I can’t just abandon my son. My father left me in Chicago to pursue a better life for himself and look how I turned out. I was old enough to have an opinion, to choose to stay behind. I didn’t know what I was biting off, but Dom’s just a baby. He has no say.
He’s gonna need me. Hell, Mia might even need me.
I look up at Mateo and find him watching me. “We need to talk,” I tell him.
His lips curve up faintly, like he can read my mind. “Tomorrow. Let everyone enjoy Easter today.”
I don’t want to wait, I want to talk now, but I nod anyway. I haven’t even talked to Carly about this. Now I try to imagine the look on her face if I tell her I want to stay in Chicago. Goodbye, peaceful house in Connecticut. Goodbye, milkshakes and movies.
Moving to Hell is the second to last thing I want to do, but abandoning Dom to grow up the way I did comes in dead last, no contest. It doesn’t matter that I’ve only known about him for a few days—this is my son.
“Don’t do it, kid.”
I look up to the couch again, but this time the voice isn’t Mateo’s, it comes from beside Mateo—Rafe. He’s shaking his head at me, like he, too, can read my thoughts.
“Don’t listen to him,” Mateo advises, smiling faintly. “You do what’s in your heart.”
“This isn’t a game,” I state, glaring at him.
Mia grabs hold of my arm briefly before pushing up off the ground. “I think Dom needs a diaper change. Want to come with me?”
I hold Dom a little more protectively against my chest, but I rise up and follow Mia as she drags me along by the sleeve of my shirt. I’m surprised he lets me follow her out of the room alone with Dom, but Carly’s words come back to me. She swears he wants me alone with Mia, because that does the most damage. Alone with Mia and Dom might be even better.
I hate this house and all the bullshit politics that go along with it. I hate that he uses Mia and she doesn’t even know. I loathe that he’s fathering my son. Right now I feel desperate to stop that, like I’d do anything.
Frankly, if I could kidnap her right now, I might, just to get her and Dom out of here.
Mia pulls me into an empty sitting room and flashes me an almost apologetic smile.
I want to ruin my life. Not for self-destructive reasons, but for good ones this time. I fucked everything up. I want to take her and Dom away from here. I need to keep them safe.
Mia doesn’t know how close I am to blowing both of our lives up, so she gently touches my arm again, moving close so she can smile at Dom and kiss his little head. My heart aches. Every second of these past few days have been painful and hard, but I don’t know else to make it stop. I don’t know how to keep Dom safe and happy and keep Carly. I don’t know how to do any of this. I’ve never been this fucking stuck before, and I have felt stuck in my time.
Clearing her throat, Mia nods toward the bathroom. “His diapers are in there.”
A pinprick of relief trickles through me. A bathroom. There are no cameras in the bathroom.
Mia closes the bathroom door behind us, but before I can turn to her and beg her to leave with me, impulsively destroy every bit of happiness both of us have managed to grasp, Mia starts talking.
“He would have done that if you weren’t sitting there.”
My mind is rolling downhill fast, so I don’t quite follow. “What do you mean?”
“Mateo. He doesn’t let Roman get away with being mean to Dom. He loves Dom. He’s a good father to him. He’s just not showing you that because he wants to see if he can provoke you. I know it’s mean, but…” She shrugs. We all know Mateo can be mean.