Regardless of her confusion, regardless of the uncomfortable position I put her in without her consent, Mia sits down on the edge of the bed with her back to Mateo and Dom in her lap and gives me a little smile of encouragement.
God, she’s so fucking sweet.
This is torture.
I need to get the hell away from her, but I want to stay.
I need to go find Carly. If Mateo really sent that picture to her, she can’t be fucking happy with me right now.
Clearing my throat, I take a tentative seat on the edge of the bed and draw out the book first. “Carly helped me pick this one out,” I say, offering the book to Mia.
The mention of Carly mutes Mia’s smile. For a split second, I think it’s jealousy, then she says, “Aw, man, she’s going to hate me now.” Casting a look back at Mateo, she asks, “Did you really send that picture?”
“I don’t speak just to hear the sound of my own voice. Of course I sent the picture.”
Mia sighs forlornly, but focuses her attention back on Dom, pointing at the cover. “Look at that. Isn’t that cool? We’ll have to read this one tonight.”
I pull out the next one, but it makes me sad for a lot of reasons. It’s a soft stuffed dog in a Superman costume. When Carly saw it at the store she got all excited, but the Superman thing is an inside joke, so I can’t explain it. I might’ve told Mia, but not with Mateo standing guard.
Now I’m torn between wanting to hurry up and leave, wanting to visit with Dom, and needing to go find Carly anyway to make sure she hasn’t packed her bag, called herself a car, and left me here to deal with this mess on my own. I don’t know what I’ll do if she has. I wouldn’t be able to blame her, but in less than 24 hours I’ve gone from feeling like I stood firmly on solid ground to feeling like I’m walking through quicksand; without Carly here to pull me out, I don’t know how to keep from sinking.
“Superman,” Mia says, guiding Dom’s hand over to feel the dog’s soft fur. “Look at that.”
I try to ignore Mateo’s eyes boring into the back of my head and offer Dom a little smile, holding the dog out to him. His eyes are wide and he trembles with excitement at the sight of it. I can’t help grinning, glancing up at Mia. “I think he likes it.”
She nods her head, smiling. “That’s definitely what he does when he sees a toy he wants. You made a great choice. Good job.”
Mia helps him hold the dog since it’s too big for him, but he immediately tries to eat it. I’m sensing a theme with this kid. Big smiles, then he tries to eat it.
I really want to hold him, and I doubt I’ll have another chance now. If Mia would’ve snuck away to let me play with him before, she’s not going to after Mateo specifically told her she’s not allowed to be alone with me. I loathe having to ask—not Mia, I’m fine with asking Mia, she’s his mom, but I don’t want to ask in front of Mateo. If it’s the only chance I’ll get though, I have to take it.
“Can I hold him for a minute?”
Mia’s eyes search my face for a second, then she looks back at Mateo. Her mouth forms a little pout and she whips out the puppy dog eyes.
“Jesus Christ,” Mateo mutters, annoyed, but he seems to give her permission, however reluctant.
She turns back to me with a smile and lifts Dom, handing him over. My heart kicks up a couple speeds as he comes at me, but I take him, drawing him against my chest. His little head bobs as he takes in his new surroundings and looks up at my face. His tongue darts out and leaves slobber all over his chin. Mia reaches for a cloth and scoots closer, dabbing his chin dry. He gives her a big grin and dives for her face. She lets him catch her and drag her face up so he can place a big, open-mouthed kiss on her cheek.
Grinning, she leans in and gives him a flurry of cheek kisses that make him giggle before leaning back to give me a minute with him.
The clear love between them makes my heart ache. Makes everything ache. I want to be a part of this. I’m supposed to be a part of this. This should be mine, and I want it. I look down at his happy face and it hurts. His smile hurts. Mia’s maternal joy hurts.
Too many thoughts race through my head. Impulsive thoughts, thoughts that I should’ve hid her better in Vegas. I should’ve kept her hidden from Rafe. I should’ve known better than to let her around any dominant assholes. I shouldn’t have taken her there at all. I should’ve just taken money from my dad and taken Mia somewhere remote, a house in the fucking sticks. I could’ve stocked it up, kept her there, not let anyone else see her until she accepted—