The best thing I ever did for Mia was dump her, I just did it too late. By the time I did the right thing, Mateo was already hot on our trail. I had already done the damage, I just didn’t know yet.
I can’t watch history repeat itself. I can’t do this again.
This is the fucking worst. A weight on my chest, on my shoulders, everywhere. My heart aches and the sadness coils through me again, but this time it’s not because of Mia. This time it’s because of Carly. This is my destiny now. I can’t escape this. Maybe I should go back to Chicago. Waltz straight up to the gates of Mateo’s fucking house, if I make it that far. Spread my goddamn arms and invite him to finish the fucking job.
At least that way, no one else gets hurt.
“Vince…”
I reach up and brush her hand away. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I had no right to come over here.”
“Just talk to me,” she implores. “Please. Whatever you’re thinking, share it. Don’t keep it in. Let it out and let me help.”
“You can’t help,” I tell her, shaking my head. “No one can. I’m Hellbound and I don’t want to take you with me.”
I turn to leave, but she anticipates the move and gets there first, planting herself against the door, arms spread, like she can stop me. She tips her cute little chin up stubbornly. “I won’t let you leave until you tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Stop being so fucking cute,” I tell her, easily prying her away from the door and moving her out of my way. “It’s annoying.”
“Vince.” She sighs heavily as I open the door, pulling her bra back up and hugging herself against the bitter burst of cold.
“Please, just stay away from me,” I tell her. “It’s for the best.”
“I won’t do that,” she warns me. “I told you I wouldn’t do that, and I meant it. If you’re too fucking afraid to take what you want, fine, but I’m not going to go away. I’m still going to be your friend, whether you like it or not. I’m going to keep coming around. I’m going to keep trying. I’m not giving up on you.”
Her words fill me with a conflicting bundle of emotions—some fucked up soothed feeling, dread, exasperation, fear, but mostly helpless fucking rage.
I spin back around, snapping, “Just fucking listen to me. Why doesn’t anyone ever fucking believe me when I try to warn them? I know what I’m talking about!”
Instead of backing down, she rages right back, “Because I care about you, and when you care about someone, you don’t abandon them to fight their demons alone.”
My eyes widen. “You can’t fight my demons, Carly. Trust me. My demons will fucking obliterate you.”
“No, they won’t,” she argues. “I’m made of stern stuff, Vince. I can withstand whatever bullshit comes with you.”
She doesn’t fucking get it. It’s not her fault. She’s never met my family. They’re an urban legend to her, not a living, breathing threat. She’s aware of their existence, but they’re not real to her. It’s just like when I tried to warn Mia all those years ago, when I refused to date her, but did this half-assed bullshit so I could still keep seeing her.
You don’t understand what it’s like to be dragged into the path of Mateo’s destruction until you’re there, and then it’s too late.
My head hangs. A short, humorless laugh escapes me and I shake my head. “Trust me, I’m not worth it.”
Carly steps over the threshold, despite the cold winter wind and her tiny little clothes. She reaches her hand up to cradle my face again, pulls me down until our foreheads touch, and assures me, “Yes, you are.”
Her words fill the cracks in my heart with warmth. My hand moves up to cup her neck, to draw her closer. My lips automatically move to cover hers. I need to let her go, but I need to taste her one more time. Only when she holds onto me, when her mouth opens for me, when it feels like she needs me as much as I need her, it makes it all so much harder.
Kissing her is a mistake. Blood pumps through my veins. Lust threatens to take over. My cock strains against the fabric of me jeans, begging for the warm, wetness I know I’ll find between her thighs. She may have told me to stop, but her pebbled nipples told me she was turned on—she must just have better self-control than I have.
Fuck, now all I can think about is Carly sprawled on the bed, her long blonde hair spread out around her, her little body squirming as I devour her pussy and drain away every bit of that self-control until she’s begging for me.