THEA
Iwas feeling confident. Like I had done something amazing. That was probably a little more flattering than I deserved, but I was certain I’d noticed a change in Lucas. It had only been three days working together, but he seemed a little better. I could even see his eyes. He was wearing his hair just a little different. It was brushed to the side instead of directly in his face. He was a handsome kid. Why he was trying to hide it was beyond me.
“Can you make sure the cat room has water?” I asked him.
“Yep,” he said and got up from the floor where he had been sitting with Kona.
The front doors were locked, and it was just the three of us. I had brought Kona back with me from lunch, knowing we would be working late tonight. And I liked her company. Kona also did a great job keeping an eye on Lucas. Not that she could tattle, but she would let me know if Lucas went outside or someone came in.
We had fed everyone and took out all the dogs for walks. While Lucas took care of the cats, I started mopping the first visitation room. I heard Lucas and Kona walking down the long corridor. “In here,” I called out.
“I’ll do that,” he offered and reached for the mop handle.
I smiled and let him have the mop. “Thank you. I have really appreciated the help this week. You’ve been amazing with the animals.”
“Animals are easier than people,” he replied.
“I totally agree,” I said. “People are jerks.”
He laughed and nodded.
“Do you want to tell me what’s been going on with you?” I asked. “Don’t say nothing because I’ve known you since the day you took your first breath. It’s clear something isn’t going well for you. What is it? Can I help?”
He sighed and continued mopping without looking at me. “It’s just different this year.”
“How so?” I asked. “Your mom said your grades aren’t like they used to be.”
“It’s a lot harder,” he said. “I can’t fake it like I used to.”
“Fake it? What are you faking?”
“It’s not that I’m faking, but the stuff is a lot harder than it used to be,” he said. “It’s all a lot faster now. The teachers talk for five minutes and then it’s over. I’m supposed to just figure it out on my own.”
“Have you talked to your teachers?”
“If I try and stay after to ask the teacher for help, everyone gives me shit,” he said.
I let the curse word pass. He wasn’t my son and we all knew boys that age liked to think they were big boys with colorful language. “What about going in early?” I suggested.
“They’ll know.”
“Okay, how about a tutor?” I asked. “I’ve seen those online tutors. No one would have to know. I bet your mom could help. I might be able to help. Unless it’s math. If it’s math, I am not the person you want to help you.”
“It’s just stupid stuff,” he complained. “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal I learn it.”
“It’s just part of school,” I said. “Trust me, we all used to have those same feelings.”
“All my old friends think I’m a dipshit,” he said. “They make fun of me. I’m not stupid.”
“No one believes you are,” I said. “I know how smart you are.”
“You’re just saying that,” he said. “I just don’t want to go to school anymore. My old friends think I’m an idiot. They don’t want to be around me because I seem to get into trouble all the time. The jocks hate me because I’m me. I’m not a nerd because I’m not smart. I don’t really want to do drugs, but they are the only friends I have.”
My heart went out to him. It was such a hard time in a kid’s life. “I know the last thing you want to hear is not to do drugs and all that, but it’s a big school. I know there are other kids that are probably feeling exactly like you do. It’s hard to feel alone. It’s hard to walk the halls and not feel like you have an ally. I bet you can find another group to hang out with. You don’t have to hang out with a specific group. Just hang out with who you are comfortable with.”
“I don’t belong,” he said. “The friends I’ve been hanging out with really aren’t that bad. The pot wasn’t even ours. We had one little puff and got caught. Mom freaked out. I didn’t even get to tell my story.”
“Getting caught with drugs at your age is a pretty big deal,” I said. “Your mom loves you. She’s worried about you.”