I rolled my eyes, crouched back down, and continued picking up glass until there were only fine, grain-sized pieces left. By then John had gotten out of his truck and walked over.
He stood over me with his hands in his pockets. “What are you doing down there?”
“I broke a glass.”
“Drinking this early in the morning?”
I peered up at him. “Why are you here, John?”
John looked up and away, his eyes lingering on the house as he massaged the purple bruise on his jaw. “I came to check on you. Yesterday didn’t go as I’d hoped.”
I straightened. “Maybe you shouldn’t have blindsided me.”
“Maybe. But I needed to get you and Dad in the same room. It’s been over a decade, Jake. I know you hate his guts, and I know he was a shitty father, but the ranch is our birthright, and you have every right to be part of the conversation. I didn’t want to have it without you. I figured one conversation about the future wouldn’t hurt.”
“Consider yourself off the hook,” I said as I began walking back to the front door. John followed. “You can move forward with whatever plans you and Dad settle on for the ranch without me. No hard feelings.”
“Does it have to be that way?”
“Yes,” I said flatly. “I don’t want that piece of land or that shit house. All that’s there for me are bad memories. I left for a reason, John. So did you. Or have you forgotten?”
“Of course not. But time—”
“Don’t say ‘changes all things.’ It doesn’t. It just makes them feel farther away. If you want the ranch, take it. If you need me to sign something saying I’ll never come for my half of the property, I’ll sign it. Do what you have to. Just leave me out of it.”
John hurried around in front of me and blocked my way up the step to my front door.
Not this again.
He put his hand on my chest when I tried to walk around him. “I am going to go home. Deep down, I always knew I would. But I also thought you’d always come back with me. Especially after…” He trailed off, looked down at his feet, and shook his head. “Especially after Shannon left.”
I flinched at the mention of my ex-wife’s name. “Don’t.”
“I’m not trying to start anything, Jakey. You’re my little brother. You’re family. You’re the most important person in my whole fucking life. I don’t want to fight with you. All I want is that, just this once, we can be on the same page. Just this once, can’t we set our differences aside and think about our legacy? About what happens to the ranch if we don’t go home?”
“I don’t care what happens to the ranch, and it hasn’t been my home for a long time.”
“It could be again. It wasn’t all bad. You used to love going for rides in the spring. What was that damn horse’s name?”
“Shiloh,” I said, remembering my brown stallion and his goofy nature. Dad had hated the horse and tried to give him away to a neighboring ranch, but I’d insisted we keep him. After a brutal back and forth that lasted days, I finally convinced him to let me keep the horse so long as I took care of him, trained him, and rode him. That horse became my best friend and my getaway car. “I loved those rides because it was as far as I could run when I was a boy.”
John rubbed the back of his neck. “I know, Jakey. I know.”
“I’m not going back.” I shouldered past him and moved inside. “I don’t care what you decide to do, John. I won’t hold it against you either way. Just let me make my own choice.”
“It’s a damn shame.”
I stopped walking. Leave it alone.
I turned back to my brother.
He lingered at my front door, not coming inside because he hadn’t been invited, and shook his head like he was disappointed. “At some point or another you’re going to have to accept that our childhood wasn’t fair. A lot of kids get the short end of the stick, Jakey. Not just us. And a lot of them had it a hell of a lot worse than us. And if you ask me, I think we turned out okay. We got out. Some never do.”
Sometimes it didn’t feel like I got out. Sometimes it still felt like I was that small, cowering boy in the corner of my father’s study, bracing for his fury that always followed when he reached the end of the whiskey bottle.
“You have to let it go,” John said. “Move on. Otherwise, it’s going to eat you up and ruin every good thing that comes into your life.”
Gabi.