“Yeah, you guys have done more than enough.”
“Alright, boys. You heard the man.” Viper waved his hand toward the door. “Let’s roll out.”
And just like that, everyone started filing out of the garage and headed out to the SUVs. As soon as they were all gone, I headed to the staff kitchen to look for some gloves and a couple of trash bags. Once I’d found what I needed, I headed outside and started collecting shell casings. I could’ve just waited for Hop and Trip, but I needed to get started.
Over the years, cleaning had become therapeutic for me. It gave me time to process the things that were going on in my head, and after everything that had gone down, I had a lot to process. I felt like the weight of the world was crashing down on me. Not only was I struggling with my feelings toward Everleigh and the crazy stunt she pulled, I was also dealing with the fact that I was now a cold-blooded killer—something I never dreamed I would be.
I walked around DeLuca’s grounds and continued to pick up shells as I tried to make sense of it all. I knew I’d done what I had to do. My life was in danger. I had no choice but to react, but I never thought I would ever be in such a horrible position—I never dreamed I would take someone’s life.
I’d heard it was tough, that the guilt would eat at you for years to come, but this was more than just guilt. I’d willingly put myself in the situation to kill-or-be-killed, and every time I pulled that trigger, a piece of me broke—leaving me a fraction of the man I’d used to be.
Maybe it was the officer in me, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was another way to resolve this thing with Antonio. Not that it mattered now. The damage had been done, so I’d have to learn to live with it. Everleigh, on the other hand, was a different matter altogether.
I hadn’t just fucked up today.
I’d been fucking up for weeks—since the day she came crashing into my life. I’d tried to keep my distance, but the second I let my guard down, I was done.
I never dreamed anyone could get to me the way she did. I’d been void of feeling for so long that I didn’t know I was even capable of letting someone in. I’d spent years guarding myself against all the pain and heartache that I felt when I lost Grace, but without even trying, Everleigh had torn down my walls and shown me a world that I’d forgotten existed.
I’d started to have feelings for her—feelings I thought I didn’t need or deserve, but I had them just the same. And they terrified me. I’d already experienced the ultimate loss, and I knew I couldn’t survive it again—which was why I was so pissed about her showing up at Antonio’s place.
I understood why she’d done it—that she was trying to help, but she’d put her life in danger, and that had me spinning. I’d hoped that working would help me sort through all the thoughts racing around in my head, but it had done little to help. I was still wound up tight—maybe even more so than when I started.
I kept at it, and after several hours, Hop and Tripp finally showed up. I used the control panel to open the gate, and Hop pulled through. When he got up to the house, I had him drive around back. Once he was parked, he went over and took a look in the garage. “Damn, Billy. You weren’t lying when you said this was a big job.”
“Yeah, we got a long night ahead of us.” I grabbed my duffle bag from the back of the van. “How’d it go with the warehouses?”
“Not too bad.” I put on my Hazmat suit as I listened to him say, “I wasn’t sure how many casualties there’d be, so I went on and took the five from the warehouses by your place.”
“Probably a good idea.” I glanced over at the tarp as I told him, “We’re gonna have a tight fit as it is.”
“Don’t know how we’re gonna get this sorted before daylight.”
Tripp had already started loading the van when he interjected, “We’ll manage. We always do.”
“That we do.”
Without wasting any more time, we all got to work, and we kept working until DeLuca’s place was absolutely spotless. I knew there would be questions about his whereabouts, so Tripp and I headed upstairs to his room and packed several suitcases worth of clothes. We did the same for his wife and kids, then took everything back down to the van.
Once we had everything loaded, we locked up the house, then headed to my place. We’d already had a long night, but there was still a great deal of work that had to be done. Hop was biting at the bit to be done, so we jumped back into it and it wasn’t long before we had everything wrapped up. Tripp looked quite pleased as he announced, “See, I knew we could do it.”
“You boys did good.” This whole thing with DeLuca and Everleigh had gotten me to thinking about the future, and I thought it was only fair to share what was on my mind. “I’m thinking about making a change.”
“What kind of change?”
“I’m not sure yet, but I don’t think I got it in me to do this shit anymore.”
I looked over at Hop, and he didn’t look the least bit surprised by my declaration. In fact, he seemed to expect it. “You gotta do what you gotta do.”
“But what does that mean for us?”
“Can’t say for sure.” I gave Tripp a pat on the shoulder. “But we’ll talk about it. Figure out something that works for all of us.”
Tripp still looked a little skeptical as he said, “Okay. Sounds good.”
“Come on, Kid.” Hop nodded his head toward his truck. “It’s late. Let’s get out of here.”
I watched as they both got in Hop’s truck and started down the drive. Once they were out of sight, I went upstairs and took a hot shower. I considered going back to the clubhouse to get Everleigh, but it was late—really late. I figured she was already asleep, and I didn’t see the point in waking her.