“Girls, girls, look at Eli and his boyfriend, Celso. Aren’t they beautiful?”
Suddenly there were many elderly women looking at us at the same time, all crowding into the frame.
“Your boy snagged a ballet dancer. Well, isn’t he lucky. They’re very flexible, you know. They’ll have a good time in the sack.”
“Oh God,” I groaned.
“Mother,” Eli whimpered painfully, needing her to rein in her friends.
“Have you done that yet?” Barbara Kohn wanted to know. “Even if it was bad the first time, that’s okay. It wasn’t any picnic for me the first time with your father, let me tell you.”
“Let’s hang up now,” Eli suggested to me.
“But you know, the more you do it, the better you get.”
“Ireallywant to hang up now,” he repeated.
“And you can get toys and other things to make it more exciting,” she explained.
“Absolutely,” I agreed, because I always agreed with her.
“Why is my son scowling at me?”
“Barbara, Eli and I are going to service tomorrow,” I chimed in quickly, changing the subject. “So can you tell him your foolproof technique to keep my yarmulke on perfectly? If you don’t, he’s gonna mess up the bobby pins, I just know it.”
“Yes,” she said, leaning forward, looking at her son. “Now listen, he’s got a lot of hair, so you have to use the big ones, not the small ones. It won’t stay on that way.”
“Mother, I can put on his yarmulke just fine.”
“If you screw it up, it’ll fall off,” she warned him. “We had a lot of trouble in the beginning. His hair is like silk, but it’s thick, so you have to pin more than you think. Also, just a reminder, you don’t wear jeans to synagogue. Rabbi Melamed doesn’t like them. And don’t make fun of the cantor. Yes, he’s a hundred years old, but he’s a very nice man.”
“Rich is what he is,” he said under his breath to me.
“What was that?” she asked him, because she had ears like a bat.
He tried to hang up then, but she made him wait and turned to me. “When I get back, we’ll talk to the rabbi so we can start the process.”
“Is that why you mentioned it to him already?” Eli asked. “Is that why you wanted Cel to convert? For me?”
“Am I talking to you?”
“I—”
“I want to convert for me,” I said, because they both needed to know how I felt. “My mother was an atheist and didn’t raise me in any kind of religion, and that was perfect for us, for me, growing up. She only had faith in herself and taught me to be the same. I needed that lesson when I was young, that certainty, but the older I got, the more I realized that I wanted there to be more.”
“Like reasons for things,” Eli chimed in.
“Yes,” I agreed. “So I was looking at different teachings and religions for a long time, and then I met you.”
Eli nodded.
“And suddenly there I was, with you and your mom at the synagogue, surrounded by people who were so open and accepting of me, and I’m not trying to make it sound perfect or whatever, but for me, my experience was amazing. I see the same people every week, I see the rabbi every week, and their kindness, faith, how they treat each other—I want to be a part of that, so I want to make a change.”
Both Eli and his mother were a little overwhelmed. I could see it on their faces.
“I’m ready to be part of the community. Plus, as a bonus, I love the holidays,” I announced. “I love helping to prepare the food and put up the decorations. I love listening to Rabbi Melamed—he’s really funny—but mostly, I love all the traditions. I like being part of something bigger than me, so really, that’s why I want to convert. For me, not for either of you.”
“Oh”—Barbara sucked in a breath, her eyes filling—“I love that. And I’m glad you’re doing it for yourself, darling, that’s the most important thing.”