A squeal rang from behind us. “Um, hello, did you all see that? My babies made me proud!”
I swiveled to see a woman I recognized from the performance come racing up. She was dressed as a snowflake, which kind of fit her considering she was as pale as the snow, though her hair was flaming red, her face covered in a smattering of freckles.
“Yes!” Gage gave her a high five. “Auntie Tessa, did you see how good I did?”
“Oh, you bet, I did. You two made the show.” She pointed between Juni and Gage. “Well, and of course my third-grade class, they were pretty spectacular if I don’t say so myself.”
Then she gasped when she noticed me, whirling around to take me by the hands. “Who are you? I’m Tessa…these bitches’ BFF.” She jutted her chin toward Eden and Salem.
Salem laughed. “Well, I guess we claim her.”
Feigned horror rocked from Tessa’s mouth while she squeezed my hands as if I were a part of their group when I’d never felt so much like the odd man out.
“Don’t listen to her for a second. She loves me. Like, mad, mad love. So, who are you?”
Her eyes gleamed as she looked around me at Logan who stood so close I felt as if I were being sucked his way.
Pulled into his orbit.
Gravity.
I didn’t have time to answer before Juni shouted, “She used to be Uncle Logan’s favorite friend, Auntie Tessa, but not anymore, but maybe one day they can gets to be again.”
I stood there shifting my feet, feeling as if I’d gotten hit by a landslide. An avalanche. This close-knit group a balm that could never soothe.
Because the loneliness ached and the vacancy echoed, and I realized, standing there in the midst of them, that I’d forced my way into a place I didn’t belong.
“I, uh, think I need to use the restroom. I’ll meet you at the car?” I asked Logan as if it wasn’t a big deal, even though I was sure they could hear the undercurrent of panic.
I was itching to flee.
His eyes darkened.
Malachite sparks.
He frowned then murmured, “Sure. I’ll see you in a minute.”
Forcing a smile, I lifted my hand in a slight wave. “It was great to meet you all…and to see you again, Jud and Trent,” I fumbled.
Then I turned and fled. Pushed up the aisle through the crowds still gathered.
The families that loved.
The hope that shined.
And I wondered…wondered if I would ever truly find it for myself.
I wound through, trying to keep my cool as I pushed into the restroom and locked myself in a stall. I pressed my forehead against the cold metal door in an attempt to squelch the fire that was eating me from the inside out.
Pain crushed my chest, and jagged breaths wheezed down my throat and into my lungs.
I hated it. Hated all that had been lost.
A tear slipped free, and I swatted at it, refused it because I wasn’t weak.
This was about a new path.
A newdestination.