It didn’t mean it wasn’t the most dangerous thing I’d ever done.
It didn’t mean it probably wasn’t also the most selfish.
But I had a plan.
Kind of.
One that had started as a tiny seed and had grown so quickly I felt its sprouts touching every part inside me as I slinked down the sidewalk. I kept myself close to the exterior walls of the shops and restaurants that lined Main Street, like if I stayed twenty steps back, this recklessness could be concealed.
My heart galloped like the frenetic sprint of a spooked horse as I tried to wind my way through the crowds that flocked along the walkway, ducking my head without losing sight of the man who strode ahead of me as if he didn’t have a care in the world except for that moment.
Logan Lawson wasn’t hard to find. I’d searched him, and a slew of results had populated, and I’d had the driver drop me two doors down from his office where I found he practiced as a financial planner and investor.
I wasn’t shocked.
He loved to gamble other people’s money.
Apparently, their hearts, too, because mine was way out ahead of me as I trailed him.
I tried to gather it up and keep it from getting squashed as I watched him hold a child’s hand.
A little boy skipped alongside him, and the child would turn to beam up at Logan’s face every couple feet, then Logan would crack up at whatever he said.
Light and carefree.
As if he didn’t sense the way my world had imploded.
The child was all caramel hair and adorable smiles and deep, expressive dimples.
Questions spun. Churning devastation.
Was this his child?
His son?
Was the reason he didn’t take me back to his place last night because he had a family waiting for him there?
Sorrow surged, and I did my best to gather it up and tuck it down because I couldn’t allow myself to go there. To the what-ifs and should have beens and the grief over all that had been wasted.
But reliving the pain would not get me anywhere, so I slipped along behind them at a safe distance.
Safe.
The thought was hysterical. I didn’t think I’d ever been in more danger than right then. Hadn’t brought more peril upon anyone than I had with this rash decision to take a chance.
And if I was going to take a chance, then I was all in.
Logan and the little boy dipped into a café on the right. I peered through the frosted glass at the two of them where they got into line.
I was an idiot. A fool. Because I stole through the door, hovered at the edge of the bustling room, and prayed I didn’t stick out like a blot of red in the winter snow.
They moved forward a couple feet as the line moved, close enough that I could hear them over the dull drone of chatter that filled the café.
“I can get hot chocolate and a doughnut because I’m so good and I got all the As and because I’m yourfavorite, right, Uncle Logan, right?” The little boy emphasized favorite.A sweet shot of manipulation.
Was it wrong I swayed with relief at the child calling him uncle? That my hand came out to the wall to steady myself as I was slammed with an inundating wave of reprieve?
That in itself was a thousand shades of wrong.