I went back to the papers I had been filing and tried to focus my attention on them, but my head was restless and wouldn’t let me. What was going to happen with Kristo and me? Would we get married now? Would we just keep up with the charade? Either of us could walk away at any moment, and that made the ground feel like it was slipping out from beneath me. I hated this feeling, hated how uncertain I was, hated how my brain seemed to be sloshing full of thoughts and feelings like a bucket just waiting to be overturned. Before Kristo had come along, my life had been simple—tough, yes, but simple. I’d had my job and my sister and my life all alone, and I could live with that. At least I knew what to do with it.
And yet, looking back, I knew I would have done it all again, started from scratch if it meant being with him, even like this. Because I loved him. I didn’t know how I was so sure, but I loved him. I looked down at the ring on my finger, the one he had given me that I hadn’t taken off since I had heard the news, and I chewed on my lip. I wanted to be his wife, even if we were both just playing the game. I had vouched for another nine months by his side. Now, that was threatening to get ripped away before I was ready, and I could barely think straight as I result.
I eventually gave up on the work in front of me, got to my feet, and headed to get something to eat from the cafeteria. I wasn’t much in the mood for food, but I needed to get something down me before I passed out or something equally embarrassing. I didn’t want anyone I worked with catching a hint of what was going on behind the scenes of my life. They had all just met Kristo at the gala, and they had been so charmed by him, I couldn’t bear the thought of having to tell them I’d been unable to keep him around.
I sat there, munching on an apple, barely tasting it as I stared off into space and wondered what the hell the next few days were going to bring. When Darla sat down next to me, it took her waving her hand in front of my face to notice she was even there.
“Earth to Amaya.” She grinned, and I turned to her and fluttered my eyes back to reality.
“Sorry, sorry,” I muttered. “Just thinking.”
“What were you thinking about?” she asked, gazing at me with a wide-open face, and I found myself reneging on my former promise to myself. I said I wouldn’t tell anyone I worked with, but I barely worked with her yet, did I?
“If you could marry for money, if love wasn’t on the table,” I blurted before I had a chance to talk myself out of this monumentally stupid decision, “would you do it?”
She cocked an eyebrow at me, opened and closed her mouth, and then finally responded.
“That’s one hell of a question,” she eventually replied. “I’m not sure. Guess it would depend on how much money and how dire the financial straits were that I was in.”
“Right.” I lowered my gaze to the half-eaten apple in my hand. I didn’t want it anymore.
Darla leaned in close and smiled at me, coconspirators in this.
“I have no idea what’s going on with you,” she told me. “But your life sounds a hell of a lot more interesting than anyone else’s in this place.”
“I don’t know about that.” I smiled weakly.
“Well, that’s up to me to decide,” she replied. “So expect to see a lot of me, huh?”
And with that, she started to chow down on the veggie burger and fries in front of her, and I took another bite of my apple. I didn’t want her to know the truth about my life, but it would be good to have a friend around here for a change. I wasn’t much good at hanging on to friends, and having a new one in my life could only be a good thing with all the stress I was handling. As I ate, the gem of the ring sparkled in the light, the thin blue light cascading around my hand.