“Go ahead and exclude the present company. I, for one, hung up my playboy shoes a long time ago,” Jeremiah said. “Also, I hate that term. Player sounds more masculine. As in, a great player of the game of love.”
“You’ve been retired from it for too long if you think love has anything to do with it,” Shawn teased, then turned back to me. “Seriously? What happened at the lake house to bring this on?”
“Nothing happened. I just hooked up with someone a little while after that and it wasn’t a satisfying experience, to say the least. So it hasn’t quite been the full six weeks, but it’s still been weeks.”
“Are you finally getting bored of the bachelor life?” Jeremiah asked. “Don’t get me wrong, I get it, but I’m with Shawn. What brought this on?”
I took a long sip of my beer. Once it was down the hatch, I ran a hand through my hair and shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know if I’m getting tired of it. Maybe that’s it, but I think I just want something more. I’m over the grind of it.”
“Grinding is a big part of it,” Shawn joked, lifting his hips off his chair to roll his pelvis and waggling his brows at me. “Maybe you’re just getting unfit now that you don’t have to practice and work out so much anymore.”
I flipped him off. “Being unfit is not now, nor will it ever be, the problem. When was the last time you went out on a real date, Ramirez? You can grind all over those models you work with, but all they want you for is your pretty face. Aren’t you getting tired of it?”
“Nope,” he sang happily. “You might have more luck with Bart on that front than with me. I fucking love my life. When people kept telling me I should become a model, I thought they were crazy. Now I’m sorry I didn’t give it a try before. You could probably do it too, you know? Do you want to? I can give you my agent’s number.”
“No, thank you,” I replied without giving it any thought whatsoever. “You can have that scene all to yourself. The very last thing I want is more attention on me.”
Bart studied me closely, a slight frown pinching his features. “I hate to say it, but I agree with Shawn on this one. I might not have models to grind all over, nor do I want them, but I’m happy with the way things are for me right now. Maybe someday I’ll feel differently, but today isn’t that day. If you want to start dating seriously, though, you should do it.”
“If I knew where to start, I would,” I said. “It would’ve been hard enough without it becoming public knowledge that I recently became stinking rich. Jer got lucky with Steph, but whenever I sleep with anyone now, I swear all I can see are the dollar signs in her eyes.”
Jeremiah touched the side of his nose. “I can relate to that.”
“Exactly,” I said. “I don’t mind it so much if it’s just a few expensive dinners and sex, but eventually, I’d like to have an actual relationship, and I don’t want it to be with someone who’s only after the money.”
“Poor little rich boys,” Shawn teased, pretending to wipe tears from below his eyes before he got a little more serious than usual. “My mother always told me that you don’t find love, it finds you. Maybe she was right and you just need to chill out. Jer’s had the billionaire problem his whole life. Look how long it took him to find someone who didn’t think his cock was made of cash. It’s only been a few months for you. Be patient. It’ll happen when it happens. In the meantime, if the dollar signs in their eyes bother you so much, just don’t look at them. Close your eyes and go for gold.”
“That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard,” Jeremiah said. “Closing your eyes won’t work if you can practically hear her thinking cha-ching on every thrust.”
“This conversation is becoming increasingly vulgar,” Bart commented lightly. “I don’t really see how any of this is going to help Tanner.”
“That won’t, but this will,” Jeremiah said, bringing his gaze to mine and holding it, looking at me like a father about to dispense valuable life advice to his son.
I guess he’s really getting into the mindset of being a parent.
“Shawn’s mom was right,” he said. “It’ll happen naturally. One random day, you’re going to meet someone you feel a connection to that you’ve never felt before, and then there won’t be any question about it. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be other ups and downs or challenges in your relationship, obviously, but you’ll know that it’s all worth it because when it’s good, it’s so fucking good that it’ll be like you didn’t even know what good really meant before you had it with her.”
As soon as he mentioned that connection, my mind catapulted back to Larisa. There was a connection there, I was sure of it. I just wished I knew more about her.
I didn’t have her phone number. I didn’t even know what she did for a living. I’d thought I would be okay with her being the one who had gotten away, but now I wasn’t so sure. In the weeks since our weekend together, it was like everything had lost its luster. No one else appealed to me the way she had because what I’d felt with her wasn’t there.
I should’ve chased that connection when I had the chance.A few days ago, I’d considered looking her up, going down the avenues I had available to track her down, but it had been too long.
“In the meantime,” Jeremiah continued, unaware that my mind had taken a little detour from the conversation, “you shouldn’t stop having fun or hold back from meeting people, because you never know when and where you’re going to meet her. Keep putting yourself out there, and it’ll happen. Just give it time.”
That was the problem, though, wasn’t it? It already happened, and I let it slip right through my fingers. Who knows if it’ll ever happen again?