When her chest rises and falls, I notice she’s not wearing a bra. Her nipples are at full attention, and her breathing is clipped. The pulse in her neck quickens. “Why haven’t you given relationships another chance?”
I tilt my head, contemplating how to answer and choosing my words wisely. “Sometimes it’s better to protect your heart until you find someone worth potentially breaking it.”
“But you haven’t given anyone a chance. Just a few hookups here and there even though some wanted more,” she pushes, and I wonder what she’s searching for. The truth? That she’s the reason I haven’t wanted more with anyone else? I’m not sure she could handle that truth, and I’m not sure I’m ready to fully admit it.
“I haven’t, but I set my own rules in place to avoid making the same mistake of mixing business and pleasure. When everything happened with Edna and James, I had no escape, just constant reminders of what I’d lost. Eldorado is so small that I’m sure everyone would be up in my personal life, just like they were when I lived at home. I’m a private guy and like to keep it that way.”
“That’s understandable,” she says, rocking her hips one time, but I quickly stop her.
“Why do you continue to push away men who are interested when you want a family?” I counter. She looks away before focusing on me again.
It takes her a minute before she responds. “My expectations are too high, and I’m afraid of rejection, especially after some have commented on my body. As much as I want a husband and family, I’ve been burned so much that dating just hasn’t been worth it anymore. I figured out after enough times that not getting attached means I can protect myself from that kind of heartbreak.”
I study her. “I guess we’re not too different after all.”
She laughs. “Totally cut from the same cloth. Probably why we’re so good together.”
Her words linger in the air, but they’re not lost on me. I don’t question what she means by that, even if my mind is already wandering.
She lifts her leg and sits down next to me on the couch, finally allowing me to adjust myself.
Kaitlyn notices the statue in my shorts but doesn’t say anything. She knew exactly what she was doing– and how much I liked it.
“Do you think you’ll ever speak to your stepdad again?”
“No.” I don’t have to think about the answer to that question. “He’s emotionally abusive, and even if I tried, I’d never trust him. He’s caused too much damage to my mom and me.”
“But she stays?” Kaitlyn confirms.
“Yeah, and I’ve resented her for years for that. However, I’d love to try rebuilding my relationship with my mom. I miss her every day and make sure to text on her birthday and holidays, but it’s always a brief convo.” I stare at the wall, thinking about the last time we spoke. “I hope one day she comes to her senses, but honestly, I think she’d rather be with anyone, even a husband who’s horrible to her, than be alone. After my dad died, Stan was there for her. Mom doesn’t know what it’s like to be alone, and I think that scares her. She was searching for what she lost when my dad died and thought she found it in Stan. Now, she’s too committed to leave.”
Kaitlyn looks at me with soft eyes. “That’s sad. No one deserves to be treated that way.”
“I agree, though if it’s taught me anything, it’s that if you can’t be content being single, you’ll accept anything in a relationship. I’ve been alone for so long that I’m content with it and don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Some people do.”
“I feel the same way. In my early twenties, I had a few friends who’d leave one guy and immediately be dating someone else within days or weeks. Being alone wasn’t an option for them, which was fine, but I could never relate to that. Most guys are too much of a headache to deal with on a consistent basis.” She chuckles. “Except you, of course. You only give me a headache once in a while.”
I smirk at her playful tone. “It’s because you’re independent and know what you want in life. I think needing someone has a lot to do with self-esteem. I’d rather be alone than in a shitty relationship.”
“Right, same. I honestly think my expectations are set so high because of my parents. They were childhood friends and grew up together, knowing everything about each other. Dad kept his crush on my mom to himself until the day she was set to marry another man. If my uncles hadn’t tricked him into writing a letter while he was drunk, I wouldn’t exist. And if I can’t find love like my parents have, then I don’t want it.”
“I’ve heard that story a handful of times over the years, and it never gets old. Gotta admit, they’re pretty cute together.”
Kaitlyn glances at me. “There’s a lesson in there somewhere—ahh yes, don’t be a chickenshit.”
Not sure if she’s saying it for herself or me, but the message is heard loud and clear.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
PAYTON
“Are you nervous? Excited?” Kaitlyn asks me as I put on my date-night boots. I can’t remember the last time I wore them.
“A little bit of both,” I admit, grabbing my keys so we can head to the rescue.
We somehow finished the fencing right at dark yesterday, just in time for us to break open a bottle of champagne to dedicate the facility.
“I told Grandma it was only supposed to be a small family gathering.” Kaitlyn gives me an apologetic look.