“This day is tough on you and your dad. But your birthday is a good enough reason to celebrate it.” Connor passes a small smile to Mere, and my heavy heart lightens a bit knowing at least Keith and Mere have good friends. “Someday, when you and your dad are ready, we’ll all be here again to celebrate this day with you.” He takes out a small box from the inside of his jacket and puts it in Mere’s hands. “Happy birthday.”
Mere bends down and throws her arms around him. “Thank you so much, Uncle Connor. Someday me and my dad will for sure celebrate this day.”
* * *
It’s dark outside. There’s only a faint purple glow from Mere’s night-light as we both lie on her bed.
“I’m sorry, Clem, for everything Dad said.”
I notice today there is no bite in her voice when she talks about Keith. My mind goes back to his face. His bloodshot eyes.
“Your dad loves your mom very much,” I whisper as a feeling of sadness rakes my body.
It hurts to see Keith hurting, and for so many years.
It pains me to see him so much in love with someone else.
Over the last few days, I’ve scratched my head. Why does his rejection hurt so much?
Because that night was not just fun for me. It was never fun. I don’t even know when my simple crush developed into something…so potent.
So real.
The realization that I love Keith came along with the knowledge that he’s in love with someone else.
“My parents were neighbors, best friends growing up. Theirs was a childhood love. They had no other siblings and not many friends.” Mere’s every word confirms that Keith was never mine. He was always someone else’s. I just had one borrowed night with him.
“Dad proposed to Mom in high school, on their prom day.” Her throat thickens and I stroke her hand with my cold fingers.
“She was diagnosed during her pregnancy. But it was still in a very early stage and doctors were certain she’d recover.”
“How do you know all this? Does your dad talk about…your mom?”
In all my time together with Keith and Mere, I never heard Melanie’s name before this evening.
“He used to. When I was young, we’d spend all our time talking about Mom. It was good, until I wanted my dad,” Mere whispers the last sentence as if guilty for wanting her father.
I turn on my side, facing her as she continues. “Dad is too…lost in her. Sometimes he forgets that she’s gone. I think, he doesn’t know any other way to live.”
My heart sinks, knowing there is this kind of love, that I didn’t even know existed, but Keith has lived it with someone else.
Tonight, I hurt for both Merida and Keith. Keith lost his friend, lover, and wife. But Mere lost both her parents.
“Mom used to visit me in my dreams. She’d say she won’t leave us until we’re ready to move on.”
My eyes flood with fresh tears. How many times have I dreamed of Dad, especially on Father’s Day or school functions like, a day with my dad?
“But I slowly realized she overstayed with him. I was angry with her for leaving me alone, for not leaving Dad even after her death. I removed all her pictures from my room. I didn’t want to become Dad.”
My grip on her hand tightens. This is not a normal fourteen-year-old girl. This is someone who has seen life at its worst, too soon. I used to think my childhood was crappy, but it was nothing compared to Mere’s. I had so many people who loved me, who cared for me. But Merida handles every pain, every emotion, alone and so beautifully.
“You are an amazingly strong girl, Mere.” It’s hard to get words out as my throat thickens with emotion. “I can’t wait to see the kind of woman you’ll grow into.”
She smiles behind her tears. Her gaze moves away from my face as she twists the blanket covering us. I can tell she wants to say something more but is hesitating.
“You can tell me anything.” I lightly press on her hands.
“The day before you came to live with us, I had a dream of Mom. I was upset with her, why wasn’t she leaving Dad? She told me she wants to go but Dad is holding her too tight.” Her gaze still doesn’t meet mine. “She said she was…sending someone for…us. Me and…him.”