“My parents never really got married. I don’t know anyone else in the family. They brought no pictures with them and never talked about their previous lives. But my mom, she was head over heels for my father.” I grab the seat of my chair, hiding my hands under my thighs. “She’d do nothing without him. Going out, shopping, even dinner. On the days he ran late from work, we would both wait for hours. Even when Dad went out for dinner with his colleagues, we’d wait.” With every word, my agitation increases. “Mom made sure he at least had a drink, a fruit, or a dessert at the dinner table while we ate.”
“Sh-she loved him.” Zane’s face is neutral, as if unsure if he should praise my mom for her unyielding love or be appalled at her lack of self-worth.
“She worshipped him.” A bitter taste fills my mouth. My displeasure is stark and clear. “I loved my mom and I don’t necessarily hate my dad because he never asked Mom to behave that way. But…his smile whenever she went that exorbitant extra mile was her gift. And he gave that without inhibition.”
“Is th-this the reason you didn’t use that dis-scount coupon until now?”
I nod and then cock my head toward the restaurant door. “The boys I dated in school weren’t necessarily scumbags, as Arianna said. But they weren’t worthy either. Watching my mother, especially on her last days as she impatiently waited to be with my father, I decided I’d never be with a man who doesn’t respect me. Without respect and affection, love is just…an infatuation, or maybe lust.”
I clear my throat when I notice Zane’s eyes haven’t left my face. Crap, Vi! He just asked you to share some tidbits, not blabber all the secrets of your life.
But I can’t even bother today.
What if I never get a chance to share all this with Zane?
I pick up my fork again and cut through the pizza slice on my plate. The knife runs with an extra force, dragging along the ceramic plate. “It’s also the reason why I fell in love with your family instantly. The women in your house know they’re worthy of love, and the men don’t miss any second proving that. I’d have killed to see a love like Ash and Sophia’s between my parents.”
Zane flattens his hands on the table, and his head tilts to the side. “One has to go th-through a lot of pain to have s-such a love. It d-definitely doesn’t come for fr-ree.”
I don’t know what price Ash and Sophia paid, but my stupid brain wonders if my current state is enough of a price for Zane and me.
* * *
Zane just took the narrow lane toward his cabin when we notice lights on the porch.
“You expecting someone?” I ask, not taking my eyes off his house.
He shakes his head and accelerates. When I get out of the car, noises of loud laughter and kids squealing greet us.
“Fuck, it’s-s my family.”
I’m surprised by the apologetic look he throws my way. “I love your family, Zane.”
He shifts on his feet. “I know, but I th-thought…maybe you needed s-some alone time tonight.”
And it’s my turn to fluster, because I’m not ready to have the conversation with Zane yet. “I think their presence will be a happy distraction.”
“Hey, guys. Will you just come over?” Zach hops toward us. “Hope won’t open the food until everyone’s here.”
“Come on, b-before my br-rother dies of hunger.”
I stifle a smile and walk beside Zane as we reach the porch. The firepit is roaring, and a beer crate is resting on the table. Zane’s medical journals, usually spread open on the recliner, are neatly tucked on the side.
Zander has his arm around Rose, who’s dressed in her staple checkered-flannel shirt and has a wineglass in her hand. Beast is sitting on the armchair with Sophia squeezed in by his side. Kristy and Oscar are on the couch, with Lukas not far from them.
The boys are lying on the floor next to Tassels and Mystery.
“I hope you don’t mind, Zane, that we opened the house through the hidden key.” Hope appears from inside the house holding a cake tray and tilts her hand toward the hanging flower pot where there’s usually a spare key to the cabin.
“Not at all. I leave it th-there for you guys to us-se.”
“That’s what I told her.” Zach pulls his wife closer when she straightens after placing a delicious-looking tiramisu cake on the table.
“But wh-what’s the occas-sion?” Zane grabs my hand before leading me to the second empty armchair next to Beast.
Sophia squeezes my hand and smiles at us. Today, her affection warms me more than usual. Maybe because since the talk about Mom at the restaurant, I’m missing her badly.
Instead of perching on the chair like Beast, Zane nudges me to take a seat and sits on the cushioned arm. I look around at all the couples sticking to each other like they’re held by glue.