Can I think about it?
That’s what she said, probably because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings by outright rejecting me.
What else could she have said?
My insides twist, and I’m about to call her and apologize when a low howl comes from under the table.
I look down to my furry friend.
“Mys-stery. Hey, bud.” I run my hands down the fur of my huge dog a few times before he jumps up on the couch and starts licking my face. “How’s your d-day?”
My tight heart unclenches as he showers me with his unrestrained and wild love. Every time he greets me this way, I feel like the luckiest and happiest man. He fucking loves me so much.
With Mystery in my arms, I look up at the sky.
But my mind again plays tricks with me. The formation of stars in the clear sky above look like a giant four-leaf clover, and I’m reminded of the bartender’s cryptic words.
Are the stars really in my favor tonight?
Is Vienna really my soul mate? But how can it be? Even if she says yes, she’s looking for something fake and temporary.
And why the fuck do I care so much about her answer?
6
VIENNA
I look at my salad plate with distaste again.
The green leaves somehow look angry, as if they’re screaming at me.
I push the first bite into my mouth, and as expected, it doesn’t taste like anything spectacular.
My eyes water. No matter how hard I try to not think about…that, my brain, my sick brain, will not let me have one peaceful night. All I can think of is Mom as she vacantly stared at me as she lay on the hospital bed, and me crying, urging her to stay and to not leave me alone.
Tassels crawls up in my lap as I sit by the window seat looking at the street. Couples hand in hand, arm in arm, pass by, probably returning from dinner or a late-night stroll. For some stupid reason, there hasn’t been a lone person passing by tonight; it’s either couples or families.
Where the hell are all the bachelors in this town?
Are they sulking in their homes like me, or am I the only single person out there?
I hope it’s the former. These thoughts are certainly not helping my misery, and as if he can sense it, Tassels stands and places his soft front paws on my chest.
He starts licking my face, my tears and I can’t help but hug him tight.
“Oh, Tassels, I don’t want to die so soon, and I really don’t want to go mad. I… I don’t want to die alone. Please, please don’t leave me.”
My tears roll down, wetting Tassels’ coat, and I worry he’s going to run away like he does whenever I’m trying to be too touchy-feely. But thankfully tonight, the sweetest pup stays in my arms, giving me the company I so badly crave at this time.
I don’t know what to worry about first. Should I focus on the fact that I’ll go mad, the forthcoming hospital bills, the money Zane has already spent on me, or…his proposal?
After spending more than a few minutes squeezing the shit out of Tassels, I let him go with more than a couple of kisses on his sweet face.
I try to not see the salad bowl and grab my phone. I need to talk to a human, so I dial Ivy’s number.
It rings and rings and then goes to voicemail. It’s not unusual for her to leave her phone unattended. I guess when you have a bunch of sisters and doting parents, who wouldn’t want to spend every minute with them?
I scroll through my contacts until I reach the end of my contact list.