Hearing this tale, her own story, Raven couldn’t keep the tears at bay.
“This young woman took it. No one knows exactly for how long, but she did everything that was asked of her, and then, one day, after her mother had passed away, she didn’t have to do it anymore and she fought back. She escaped and lived on the streets. Without any training, she learned to survive. She kept on fighting, until one day, a guy walked into a bar, and his life was in danger. She protected him like a fucking bodyguard. There was no doubt or hesitation, and she put her life on the line to protect him. She had no idea if he was a good man. A bad man. An asshole. She still protected him, and in return, he brought her back to his club. An MC club. Leah Raven Stoltz ceased to exist, and in her place, Raven was born.”
“You knew.”
“I always knew, Raven,” Smokey said. “I know that you built up walls. That you don’t put any value on your life. That you take a gun to your head as a test to see if you deserve to survive another day.”
She swiped at her cheeks.
“Raven, you have value,” Smokey said.
She hadn’t noticed him holding the leather cut until he placed it on her lap.
“You’re a club brother, and in this case, I’m the fuck-up.”
Raven ran her hand over the Hell’s Bastards MC name. This was her whole life. From the day Smokey had brought her back, she had vowed to protect him and the club. He’d given her the chance at a future. To step away from the pain.
“I’m carrying Carlos Santiago’s baby, Smokey.”
“So. Last time I checked, Carlos Santiago was in love with you, Raven. He wants to make this work, and between the three of us, we can make it work. Ugly Beast got Abriana, and you get Carlos. Kind of a decent trade-off, don’t you think?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt Abriana, or Ava.”
“Stop it. Any one of the guys could have made the mistake with Abriana. It’s why all prospects are checked over, and they’re presented to the club. When it comes to Ava, that shit is on me. It will always be on me.”
“You love her.”
“Yeah, I do. I love you too.”
“You know, people used to think I … had a crush on you.”
Smokey looked at her, and she burst out laughing, wiping the tears from her face.
“I didn’t. I promise. I just … I always considered you my best friend,” Raven said. “I was never in love with you. I do love you, but like a friend.”
“I love you too,” Smokey said.
Raven had never hugged Smokey outside of some serious fucked-up situations, but today on the bench, with no secrets lying between them, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.
Smokey even kissed her head. “I want the revolver,” Smokey said.
“I won’t do it anymore,” Raven said. She put her hand on her stomach. It had been a long time since she had done it.
“You’re going to make an amazing mother, and I bet if yours could see you now, she would tell you how proud she was of you. You got out. You did everything you could. I do have to ask, do you want … the club will pay for therapy.”
“Not happening,” Raven said. “I don’t want to talk about what happened. I don’t want to even think about it.”
“Raven?”
“What? I’m handling it okay, I think. Would you want to talk about all the bad shit that happened to you?” Raven asked.
Smokey tilted his head from side to side.
“See, neither do I. I know Ava already knows. She heard … from when I told Carlos the truth.”
“I know. Ava adores you. She constantly talks about you in dresses.”
Raven groaned and pulled away. “I have no choice but to wear them.” She wore one right now. “Pants and jeans, they’re … uncomfortable.”
Smokey chuckled. “You’re turning into a girl.”
Raven rolled her eyes.
“Are we good?” Smokey asked. “You and me and the club?”
“Yeah, we’re good.”
“Will you … make it up with Carlos?” Smokey asked.
Raven sighed. “Yeah, I will. My child needs a father.”
“No, what do you need?” Smokey asked.
She nibbled on her lip and nodded. “I need him too. I miss him, so much.”
“Are you blushing?” Smokey asked.
“Shut up. This isn’t funny.”
“Oh, it is funny.” He started to laugh, and Raven joined him, feeling the humor consume her. “You know your kid is going to be well loved. Between the Santiago outfit and the Hell’s Bastards MC, your kid is going to be completely doted on.”
“Good,” Raven said. “Family is important.”
“And so are all of its members, Raven. Including you. No more taking the jobs that are likely to get you killed.”
She agreed. “I better be heading back,” Raven said.