Raven pressed her lips together as the tears welled up. It was the first time she had seen her mother cry. She was used to her mom sobbing at movies or commercials, but this had been different. This had been true heartache. The man she had loved was gone. “I haven’t thought about that day in so long. The years after, she tried not to let that day upset her, but how could she not? Her daughter’s birthday was also the day she lost her husband, her soulmate. And they were. No one could ever replace my dad. It was just me and my mom, and she was a fighter. She knew my dad would want her to be happy, to keep on living, enjoying life.”
Just thinking about him was enough to make her lip curl. “Until … someone did come along. I was thirteen. Mom had been in and out of jobs for the past three years. We got by. We had each other, but money was always tight. It was fine though. She was amazing. Then he … showed up.”
“He?”
“I … Peter Small Clarke,” she said, speaking the name she had refused to even acknowledge in so long. She felt sick to her stomach. “He was a nice guy. Smart. Came from money. He was a doctor. I’m not quite sure exactly what he was a doctor of, but he charmed my mother.” Raven had closed the door on all these memories, and opening them up right now, it was like tearing her in half. “I … liked him. I wanted him to be my stepdad. My mom adored him. Loved him. He was the first guy she had known since Dad. She told me that we were going to be happy. That he wanted a family with us.”
“Raven, you don’t need to tell me this.”
“And he was. He was wonderful. My mom and him got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. She looked like a princess. I … sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see her. It’s the only true memory of her I have. I don’t own any pictures. I lost it all.” She struggled to talk but knew she had to get through all of this. Carlos was the first person she had ever told.
“For the first year, everything was like a fairy tale. My mom was so happy. They were in love, and I was their princess. They dressed me up. We went to parties. I was his daughter to the outside world. He was this … shining light.” She stopped as the memories surged forward. “One day, completely out of the blue, my mom, she got sick. It was really bad. She ended up in bed, and for three months, I watched her slowly fading away, and he, he seemed heartbroken, but then he told me. He said there was a cure for her.” Raven couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been. “I believed him, and he said he could get me that cure, but I had to do something for him.”
“Raven?”
“So, he told me to trust him, and I did. Why wouldn’t I? He hadn’t done anything to hurt me. He loved my mommy. He loved me. We were a family. He was the person I could trust, just like my mom.” She bit her lip hard and felt the blood filling her mouth, and she let go.
“He said there were men out there that would do anything for me. All I had to do was be willing to give them a little something. I had no idea what he meant. Mom and I had the talk, but other than that, I didn’t care about boys. I can’t even remember why I didn’t care about them, I just didn’t.” She stopped, allowing the memories to overwhelm her. “He told me one night that he was going to need me, and that I was to do everything he told me. That it would all be okay for my mom. So I did.” Raven took a deep breath. “It was about a week later that he came to my room. He had this … fucking school girl costume. The one they’re always using in fucking porn shows.”
“I know the ones,” Carlos said.
“He made me put it on, and I felt stupid. Then he told me to put my hair in two pigtails. I did that. I had no idea what I was doing, and then we went on a little drive. I think we went to a hotel. I’m not exactly sure what it was, and well, that was the night I lost my virginity,” she said. “He was in his forties. This had nothing to do with protecting my mother. They weren’t helping her. This happened until I turned sixteen. Every week, I’d go to the same man, same uniform, and he’d do whatever the hell he wanted with me. My mom, she never got better, and one day, I found out why. That piece-of-shit husband of hers was poisoning her. He had never married her because he loved her. The guy who I was with, he was some kind of big crime boss, and he was into little girls.”