Carlos took a step toward her, then another. “What you’re actually saying to me right now, Raven, is that when it comes to all important matters, you’re the person I should come to, not Smokey.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“He’s the President of the club. His word is law. If you question that law, what happens?”
Her lips pressed together.
“You can pretend to keep your secrets, Raven, but I know if you question him, that happens in church. He saw those pictures and instantly assumed Ava was guilty.”
“So did I,” Raven said.
“Did you have a niggle of doubt?”
He saw her lips twitch, and he smiled. “You did, but you don’t have to say it out aloud. Let me guess, you had this niggle, this twitch of doubt, and I bet you tapped that down because of what happened before.”
“How do you know so much?” Raven asked.
“I make it my business to know what my fiancée is involved with.”
“I’m not your fiancée, Carlos. I’m not your anything.”
As they’d been talking, he’d been moving closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her, taking her to the mat.
During the commotion, she attempted to fight him off, but he merely thwarted her efforts by capturing her hands and pressing them to either side of her head, stopping her from moving. He’d also been able to slide between her thighs and press his cock against her covered pussy.
He wished he’d offered for them both to do this completely naked.
Raven tried to pull out of his hold, but he was much stronger than her. Besides, he liked having her beneath him.
“Let it go,” he said.
She stopped, and her gaze landed on him.
“I’ve got you, Raven. Let it go.”
“No.”
“You fucked up. I get that, and nothing I or anyone else says is going to be able to change that, but you’ve got to stop carrying this wedge of guilt around with you. You’re not the only person who made that call.”
“Ava has nightmares because of me. We nearly lost her because of me.”
“No. She has nightmares because you were acting on Smokey’s orders. You are not completely responsible for what happened. You can take some of the blame. It’s what makes us human, but there is no way you can be held completely responsible for what happened. You’re a patched member. You don’t run the place. You don’t make all of the big decisions. You follow orders, and I proved that because you’re here with me, on Smokey’s orders. You’re not back at the club. Not avoiding Ava.”
She tried to wriggle out from under him, but he kept his grip on her.
“You can fight me all you want, but it’s not going to change the truth.”
Tears welled up in Raven’s eyes.
“You’ve got to stop hating yourself,” he said.
“You have no right telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. You’re not the boss of me.”
“Exactly, that is you, Raven. Ava forgave you. You took a beating for her. One that put you in the hospital and required you to have care even when you left the hospital.”
The tears were not going away.
“Get off me, please.”
“What more do you need to do to earn her forgiveness?”
“Let me go.”
“No, I’m not letting you go. I’m not going to allow you to take the blame for someone else’s actions, Raven. You were doing your fucking job, and then you put your life on the line. You could have died. What would you have done if he had knives? A gun? What about fucking baseball bats and he said you had to take the hit?”
The tears that had been glistening in her eyes slowly fell down her face, sinking into her hair. “I would’ve … I would’ve taken it,” she said. “I would have done everything I could to protect her and her child.”
“Even if it meant death?” he asked.
“Death would have been a kindness to me after what I did. I don’t deserve to be here, Carlos. I hurt her. I hurt Ava. I cut off her fucking hair. I’m a fucking monster!” She screamed the last part.
“You were following fucking orders. Do you think Smokey would have stopped because you got cold feet? He’d have sent the whores down on their own. He’d have done what he thought was necessary, but instead, he put that on you.” Carlos never hated Smokey more than he did right now.
Yes, he and Smokey were manipulating Raven, but for Carlos, it was to give her a much better life than the one she currently lived. He knew she was hurting. That being in the club was killing her.
He’d watched her withdraw into herself. Fading. Becoming a person that wasn’t truly her, and he hated it. She deserved better. He was going to be the one to give her better.
His lifestyle might not be much better, but with her close to him, he could protect her.