“I can’t lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
He wrapped his arms around her, moving her from where she sat on the bed to straddle his hips. Smokey held her, tightly, and Ava stroked his back, allowing him to feel her, to know that she wasn’t going anywhere. She was right here with him.
Chapter Six
Raven woke up in a strange bed, feeling a heavy weight across her stomach. She tensed up, and then everything came crawling back. For the next few months, she had to play the role of Carlos’s girlfriend, protecting him from this enemy of his. Smokey would get the guys to vote on it this afternoon, and once they did, she’d be by Carlos’s side.
Last night after they left, she locked up the house, curious as to what Hunter, Ugly Beast, and Smokey were all talking about.
Carlos had helped to distract her, but not in a good way.
With her staying the night, she had to take one of his many bedrooms. At first, he’d offered to share a bedroom with her, to get her used to being around him. That shit wasn’t going to fly with her. He’d given her a guest bedroom, complete with an en-suite bathroom. It was a nice room. Bigger than her place at the clubhouse.
He’d tried to interest her in more time together.
She’d told him she would be down for pizza, and he’d left her alone. Once inside her room, she had sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the revolver. Smokey needed her to … do this for the club. There was no way she could let him down, and taking a shaky shot with fate felt, at that moment, like a betrayal to the club. It had been hard for her not to place the single bullet she kept and spin it around before aiming it at her head, but she’d moved to the drawer beside her bed and placed it inside. Next, she’d gone and taken a shower.
When she returned to the main bedroom, she’d seen some sweats waiting for her.
Carlos must have snuck into her room and dropped them off. Annoyed with herself for not hearing him, she’d decided not to be too pissed and went downstairs to eat pizza. Carlos had been waiting for her. It was strange, seeing him eat pizza. He didn’t strike her as the takeout kind of guy. More of a fancy restaurant where he had to order weird-sounding stuff.
After they’d eaten, dishes were done, and then he’d tried to interest her in a movie. She declined and went straight to her bedroom, where for the next several hours she lay awake, staring at the ceiling and focusing on the events of the day, not on the nightmares that often plagued her. The voices that constantly seemed to echo throughout her mind, setting her up to fail. Telling her how useless she was.
Raven knew those voices were true.
She lived with them every single day.
She didn’t know when it happened, but she had fallen asleep. Then the nightmare started. Always the same, she stood in the basement of the Hell’s Bastards MC, and it was like there was a mirror between her and what was happening with Ava. She saw herself, laughing hysterically as she beat Ava and Abriana. Then, what always happened was her mother appearing, bound in a chair, dying, and dream Raven just kept on hitting.
This was why she woke up screaming.
Why Carlos was in the bedroom he’d provided for her with his arms wrapped around her.
“Are you feeling any better?” Carlos asked.
If she got any tenser, she’d snap. “Why didn’t you leave?”
She tried to wriggle out from under him, but he refused to let her go. His grip at her waist seemed to tighten.
“Why would I leave when you begged me to stay? To make the bad dreams go away.”
Raven couldn’t remember asking him to do that. It certainly didn’t sound like anything she’d say.
He had to be lying, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it was … true.
Staring at him, she wanted to argue with him, but he looked so earnest.
Don’t trust.
Don’t believe him.
They’re all the same.
“I held you until you stopped screaming and sobbing. You were shaking like crazy, Raven. Do you think I could have let you go through whatever you were going through alone?”
“This doesn’t concern you.”
“Everything about you concerns me.” Carlos cupped her cheek and for a split second, Raven wasn’t repulsed by his touch. Actually, it was longer than a second.
He was gentle.
Tender.
Raven had never been touched like this.
The doorbell rang.
“Fuck!” Carlos cursed, pulling away.
Still a little taken aback by how much she didn’t hate him touching her, Raven lay in bed as he rolled out of bed.
Realizing that there was someone home, Raven quickly shot out of bed and ran toward the door, getting there before Carlos.