“This morning Rory and I found out that we’re expecting our first child.” There was an explosion of noise in the room and then I was crushed by multiple pairs of arms. Lola woke up and her cries added to the complete insanity that had broken out.
When things finally calmed down, nearly everyone was crying. Even Gracie and Fiona started to cry just to be cool like everyone else. It was chaos. Ryder handed out napkins for everyone to blot their eyes and I got hugged again. After a third round of hugs, I was finally able to speak and tell the story.
“So I took two tests. I’ve been feeling pretty bad lately. I thought it was the flu or something but…” I shrugged and turned to my parents. I wasn’t sure who had cried more, Mom or Dad. I had expected them to say at least something to me about the fact that this baby was technically born out of wedlock. Shit, did anyone even say that anymore?
“So, yeah. We’re having a baby.” I still held Lucah’s hand and raised it up as if we’d won a race or something.
“Well, this is just the best news I could have asked for,” Mom said, clapping her hands together.
“Really?” I blurted out. Lucah squeezed my hand. We’d been fine and then I had to open my mouth.
“Yes. I’m going to be a grandmother. I can’t think of anything more wonderful. Can you, Walter?” She beamed at Dad and he smiled back, bigger than I’d ever seen him.
“I can’t. I absolutely can’t.” Oh. Well then.
~*~*~
Tate ended up taking the girls into a corner of the room and getting out some coloring books so they’d stop crawling all over the furniture. I’d never seen my mother so casual about her priceless furnishings before. I’d learned “look, don’t touch” as one of my very first rules, so I couldn’t help but cringe as Gracie wiped her face on the chair cushion and Fiona dribbled some of her juice on the rug.
Sloane and Mom had gotten into a discussion of baby clothes and Dad started talking with Fin as Marisol and Chloe chatted with April. I was relieved that the worst was over. Or at least the worst part of telling my parents was over. We still had to get through the wedding and then the pregnancy and the birth. Shit, I hadn’t thought about that part yet.
I was going to have to push a baby out through my…
“Are you okay? You look a little green,” Lucah said and I waved him off.
“Fine. I was just thinking about something I shouldn’t be thinking about at the moment.” I shuddered and tried to think about something else. ANYTHING else.
I didn’t need to think about birth. Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
“You’ll have to tell me later,” he whispered in my ear. No, I definitely wasn’t going to tell him later. I was going to keep that crap to myself.
~*~*~
After everyone had eaten, coffee and tea were passed around. I tried to go for the coffee, but about five sets of hands stopped me.
“No caffeine,” three voices said. Well, shit. No caffeine? How in the hell was I going to get through this? I NEEDED MY COFFEE TO SURVIVE.
I sputtered, but took the decaf green tea my mom held out to me. It was like being catapulted back to being a child and having my parents tell me what I could and couldn’t do. I was a grown woman, dammit.
“Yeah, welcome to the world of things you can’t have. Booze, caffeine, certain cheeses, fish…” April ticked off the things on her fingers that were now forbidden to me. Wine. My precious wine and coffee, my other lover. It made me want to cry. April patted my hand and smiled in sympathy.
“It’s not easy. But it’s worth it in the end.” She looked over at Gracie and Fiona, quietly coloring on the floor. Somehow they’d stopped fighting and were being perfectly behaved. Lola was asleep again in her car seat, so the only sound in the room was the clink of china and the murmur of voices.
“Is it?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. But anything is like that. Nothing is all good, all the time. In the end, if you have more good days than bad, you’re coming out ahead.” She always had the best advice. Maybe it came with motherhood. Hopefully I’d get that when I had my baby. My baby.
I remembered the visions I’d had of the little girl with the red hair and the little blonde boy. Well, I’d get one or the other. Only time would tell. I tried to remember how long it had taken April to find out that Lola was a girl, so I asked her and then I couldn’t stop the questions. The two of us sat for ages and she answered every single one of my questions, even if they were weird.
“I’m going to tell you something and I want you to listen to me very carefully,” she said, leaning close.
“I want you to stay away from the Internet and I want you to take any advice someone gives you with a grain of salt. People think being pregnant means they can tell you all kinds of horrible things are going to happen to you, that someone they knew had something awful happen to them, that you’re a bad mother if you don’t do X, Y, Z, and I want you to ignore them. Say it with me, ‘I will ignore them.’”
“I will ignore them,” I said and she nodded.
“Say it again.”
“I will ignore them,” I repeated.