“Put me down, put me down,” I said because the whirling was starting to make me feel nauseous again.
“Sorry, sorry!” His eyes were brighter than they’d even been when I’d said we could be officially engaged.
“Okay, okay. I’m not going to get ahead of myself, so I’m going to get you a test. Yes. Maybe more than one. Do you know which brands are good?” He ran to get his jacket and I was lost again.
“What?” He didn’t seem to hear me.
“It doesn’t matter, I just get them all.” Yanking open the door he shot me one last radiant smile before he slammed it and I was left alone with my wonderful thoughts.
~*~*~
This was one of those times when I definitely wanted to keep myself from panicking. It was probably nothing. I was doing that thing where I freaked out and everything turned out fine. It had to turn out fine.
I had my phone in my hand because I wanted to call Sloane or SOMEONE to talk me down when Lucah burst back into the apartment with two white bags from the pharmacy down the block.
“Okay, I got every kind they had. You should have seen the look the checkout guy gave me. Now I know you have to pee for all of these, but maybe you can take them throughout the day and just drink a lot of water.” He was absolutely rambling and it was interesting to be the one who wasn’t doing that for once. Lucah dumped the tests in my lap with the air of Santa Claus emptying his toy bag.
I looked up and him and gaped.
“I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but can you please take one? Please? For me?” I still hadn’t said anything, but he seemed too lost in his own cloud of whatever to notice. Finally, I was able to clear my throat and say something.
“I can’t.”
He crouched down in front of me and took both my hands in his.
“Can’t what, Sunshine?” I just shook my head. And started crying again.
“Oh, Rory,” he said, gathering me into his arms. Gently this time. No twirling and kissing.
“I don’t… I can’t… No…” Words were still hard. Why were words so hard?
“Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I got a little overzealous and didn’t think about how this was affecting you. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to take any of the tests.” He shoved them on the floor and I curled into him.
This time my crying jag was short and intense.
“I’m so fucking scared right now, Lucah. So fucking scared.” He used both thumbs to wipe my cheeks. He’d been doing that a lot lately. I’d better be getting out all my crying now and not do any for the next few years. That sounded like a good plan.
“It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe it’s a flu bug. But don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to just… know? For sure?” I wasn’t sure of the accuracy of home pregnancy tests. I’d never had to take one, so I had no firsthand experience. They were probably pretty accurate, right? My mind was back to babbling with itself again.
“Rory? You’re starting to scare me here,” he said. I took one somewhat shaky but deep breath.
“Okay. Okay I’ll take a test.” We both looked down at the boxes strewn on the floor.
“Which one?” I asked him.
“How should I know?” I gave him a withering look. “I’ve never taken one.” I scanned the names on the boxes and recognized one from commercials. I didn’t trust a generic in this situation. Name brand all the way.
“Is that the winner?” Lucah asked as I held up the box and read the back.
“Yeah, sure. I mean, I guess I can take two at once.” I grabbed another name brand and headed to the bathroom, Lucah hot on my heels.
“No, no. You’re not coming with me,” I said before I shut the door in his face. There were some things that I didn’t mind him witnessing, but me peeing on a stick wasn’t one of them.
It took a little bit of finagling, but I managed to pee on first one test and then the other. Then it was time to set them on the sink and chew on my nails. I let Lucah come in for the waiting part. I didn’t think I would survive it otherwise. I also made him look when they were ready.
“Well?” I asked, my knees jiggling up and down as I perched on the edge of the tub. He’d been staring at them for way too long.
“One line or two? ONE LINE OR TWO?!”