“Maybe. I’m fine. I’m going to go shower.” I got up and slowly walked to the bathroom. If I got sick in the shower, he didn’t have to know. But as soon as I’d closed the shower door, it opened and then he was getting in right behind me.
“Gotta save water,” he said. I could tell he was still concerned and wanted to fight with me about going to work, but that wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t miss two days this week. One was already scheduled, but I couldn’t do two days.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked. My back was to him as I grabbed the bottle of shampoo. In between fighting, we’d been talking to each other in terse sentences. I didn’t like it, but I was just so tired and couldn’t seem to help the words that escaped my mouth. Actually, I hated it, but couldn’t seem to fix it at the moment. Soon. I’d go away and it would be good and then I’d get back and things would calm down. I’d start sleeping again and we’d have tons of sex and then we’d get married and go from there. This was temporary.
Lucah soaped up my head and I waited for the medicine to kick in. It was taking its sweet time.
“Do you want breakfast?” he asked. Like this was the first time we’d stayed together. I didn’t trust my stomach to not rebel against anything I put in it, so I told him I’d just have Lilia bring me a donut on her way in. I did it all the time, so that wasn’t unusual.
“Sure, fine,” Lucah said. I touched his arm, making him stop before he grabbed his jacket.
“Hey. I’m sorry I’m such a bitch right now. I don’t mean it when I snap at you. You know that, right?” I forced him to turn and look at me.
“I know, I know. I’m not upset because we’re fighting. I’m upset because my Sunshine is tired and irritable and I’ve barely seen you smile in a week. You’re not sleeping and you’re feeling sick and you’re so pale. I’m just worried about you because I love you. That’s why I’m upset.” His normal flirty humor was gone. It sucked, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do to change my job. It was what it was. Dad wasn’t ready to come back and I’d been voted in. Case closed. The fucking end.
“I’m just worried about you,” he said again, shrugging and then turning away.
“I know. I’m sorry. Things will settle down soon, I promise,” I said, knowing that it wasn’t really something I could promise. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know if Dad was coming back to work. I didn’t know much of anything. Well, except that I was in charge and it was going to stay that way, at least for now.
“I have to do this, Lucah. It’s not just because it’s my dad and you know that. I’m not doing this to hurt you, or to hurt us.” He nodded and sighed.
“I’m sorry, too. I need to cut you more slack. I’m sorry.” He grabbed me and kissed me hard. The kind of kiss that made me want to say “fuck you, work” and stay home in bed with him all day.
I broke the kiss and looked at him suspiciously. There was that twinkle in his eyes.
“You’re good, Mr. Blythe. Very good.” He slid his hand down my chest and down low, right at the hem of my skirt.
“No, I’m bad. Very, very bad.” He started to inch the material upward and it was all I could think about. His hands. My skin.
“Lucaaaahhhh,” I said, drawing out the word. Work. We both had to…
“Rorrryyyyyy,” he said, using the same tone as he wiggled his hand up my skirt. There was some reason I had to say no to this. Something that…
My phone rang, shattering the moment as I was sucked out of my lusty romance haze and slammed back down to earth. I looked and saw that it was Lilia. Shit. I was definitely going to be late.
“Hey, Lilia,” I said and Lucah scowled.
“Hey, Rory. I’m sorry to call, but I’m at the bakery and wondered if you wanted breakfast.” How did she know? She always knew.
“That would be great, thanks,” I said and then hung up.
“I hope you know that I don’t hate your job. I just hate that it seems to suck your life away,” Lucah said as we walked out the door.
“I know. And I also know you’re not some misogynistic asshole who thinks women shouldn’t work,” I said. He was anything but that.
“Do you still love me even when I’m a total bitch?” Even though we were going to be late, he stopped us on the sidewalk and pulled me up on my tiptoes.
“Always. I’ll love you no matter what.” I closed my eyes as he kissed my forehead.
“I love you too. Even when I don’t act like I do.”
~*~*~
Thursday was a total disaster and I considered calling the whole bachelorette party off. I just wasn’t in the mood. My stomach issues settled, finally, but I was still tired and people seemed determined to piss me off. I almost lost it in a meeting and had to excuse myself and take a few deep breaths. I hadn’t had another panic attack, which was good, but other than that, I knew that I was close to some sort of breakdown.
Lilia kept hovering, as if she was waiting for me to collapse and wanted to be there to catch me.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay here tomorrow?” I asked her for the thousandth time that afternoon. My nausea had returned, so I was crunching on Tums. It was like eating sweet-flavored chalk. Yuck.