“No, I’m good. Thank you though.”
“What can I say, I’m a giver,” he said with a smirk. Oh, Lucah. I reached out and stroked his face.
“Let’s get you to bed, Sunshine.” It seemed like he’d been helping me get to bed a lot lately. He was getting good at it. Once we got under the covers, I scooted until my back was up against his front. I enjoyed being the little spoon with him.
“Sleep. Just let your mind drift,” he said in my ear and then started singing softly. I let my thoughts go and fell into sleep.
Thirteen
The next day was somehow more intense than the first. We had to do a bit of damage control because some of the stockholders were getting nervous. I had to repeatedly assure them that I had everything in hand, that Dad had trained me for this, that he was still overseeing everything I did. Which wasn’t totally and completely true, but it put them at ease. At least I hoped so.
We also had a bunch of meetings to get me caught up on everything. I delegated more work around and Violet came through and completed everything I needed her to do. I even shoved some work off to Lucah.
I was stressed and drinking too much coffee when all of a sudden, I felt my chest getting tight. I couldn’t breathe. Shit. A panic attack. I’d had them before, but not in a long time. Every instinct in my body told me to go with the panic, let it take over my body, but I just started counting in my head and slowing my breathing. My phone rang, but I let it go to voicemail. It took about seven minutes for me to come down from the attack. I knew exactly why I was having it and that I needed to slow down.
When I was finally back to normal, I got up from my desk and went out to talk to Lilia.
“Can we have lunch today?” I must have looked totally panicked, because she looked concerned when she saw my face.
“Absolutely. Are you okay? You’re really pale.” I should have calmed down a little more before I came out, I guess.
“Yeah, fine. Just… I need to get out for a little while. Step away from the phone and the computer and the questions.” I’d actually started getting hoarse from all the talking. Everyone was being kind and helpful, but it was still a lot of work. We had to set up a stockholder meeting for Friday so they could all speak to me in-person. They hadn’t been this tense during the embezzlement disaster. Guess this was just one crisis too many.
“You want to go now?” she asked. It was still a little early, but I needed fresh air.
“Yes,” I said and went to get my bag and my coat.
~*~*~
The minute I left the building, I could breathe a lot easier.
“Are you really okay?” Lilia asked. She might be younger than me, but she was definitely an old soul. Wise beyond her years.
“I had a panic attack in my office,” I admitted as I stared down at the sidewalk. “I’ve had them before, so I knew what it was. I’m fine now.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I should have checked on you more,” she said, as if it was somehow her fault.
“No, don’t even worry about it,” I said. “It happens. It’s a combination of stress and exhaustion and too much coffee. Maybe give me decaf for the rest of the day? Or mix it like you used to.” Lilia was always great at knowing when I’d had enough and would switch without me knowing.
“Okay, I can definitely do that. And if you want to talk about anything, you know I’m here.” She opened the door and we went to get a table at the small bistro. I really wanted to get a drink, but that probably wasn’t a good idea with everything else.
The waitress took our drink orders and then we both scanned the menu. We came here every now and then and they changed the menu all the time with the seasons.
“Oh, I’m totally getting the veggie frittata with bacon,” Lilia said. That sounded really good, so I got the same and then we split a cheese plate.
“I’m just worried that I’m good enough. Smart enough. That I’ll be enough,” I said as I sipped my iced tea.
“Yeah, I feel that way all the time. I think everyone does, to an extent,” she said. It didn’t feel that way. Sometimes I thought I was the only one in the entire world who felt inadequate.
“You’re not alone. You really aren’t,” Lilia said. I smiled.
“It’s still good to hear.”
Our food came and we talked about work, but it wasn’t stressful talk. Just figuring out how everything was going to work and how she was doing on the projects and other items I’d assigned her.
“I can do a lot. I’m a good multitasker.” I knew she was. I was so glad I’d hired her. She was worth her weight in gold.
“You know, when you decide you want to leave me, I’m going to give you one hell of a recommendation,” I said and she blushed.