“I love how your sexy brain works,” he said, putting his finger in the center of my forehead. I crossed my eyes as I looked up at it.
“I love that you love that I’m not an idiot.” He removed his finger and shrugged.
“I like a girl who can think. Natural selection, you know? It gives my offspring the best possible chance of survival if their mother isn’t a total moron who can’t do basic math.” Well, I wasn’t fabulous at math, but I could hold my own. I was better at computers and dealing with people and buying shoes.
“There’s that baby talk again.” The orgasms had somehow loosened my tongue and the words were just tumbling out.
“No baby talk. I just mentioned offspring. Future offspring that we might have in the future.” I made a face at him and then he was the one crossing his eyes at me.
“Whatever. At least we’re not hung over anymore,” I said. I was very grateful for that.
“I wasn’t that hung over. You, on the other hand…” I shoved him over on the couch and he pretended to flail like he was suffocating. We were such dorks together, which was one of the reasons I loved him so much. I never felt self-conscious with him. I hadn’t from the very beginning.
“Ugh, shut up.” My phone rang and I had to scramble around to find it. I finally located it in the folds of my bed and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Oh, Rory, why did it take you so long to answer?” It was my mom and she sounded frantic. I’d never heard her sound like that. My mother was composed in nearly every single situation. She didn’t raise her voice. Didn’t yell. And she didn’t sound like this. My heart dropped and I had to sit on the edge of the bed.
“What’s wrong?” There was obviously something very, very wrong.
“It’s Walter. He’s had a heart attack. We’re at Mass Gen and you need to get here right away.” She said some other things, but I dropped the phone and then there was a sound that was something like a scream. Oh, I was making that sound. I needed stop. I needed to stop making that sound and do something. Yes, I needed to move.
“Rory? Rory? What’s wrong?” Lucah must have heard me and come running. I opened my mouth a few times, but I couldn’t speak.
Lucah was yelling at me and I finally snapped.
“Dad. It’s Dad.”
Ten
This time I was the one rushing to see someone I loved in the hospital. I remembered so vividly what it had been like both times with Ryder. I’d felt wholly inadequate to deal with Lucah’s emotions at the time. I wasn’t equipped to be there for him. But I’d done it, and we’d gotten through it.
Now, Lucah was the one supporting me, talking to me, trying to keep me present and saying that it was going to be okay and that he loved me. I knew it was supposed to be comforting, but I wanted him to stop. Finally, I got my voice to work.
“Lucah. You don’t have to. Just hold my hand.” He snapped his jaw shut and squeezed the hand he’d already been holding. That was good. I could deal with no talking. I could deal with just the sounds of the traffic around us, loud and wet from the rain that had just started falling. Rain. I liked the rain.
My mind was… floating. A tiny rational portion of it knew that I was protecting myself from the situation. Creating a cocoon of safety.
We finally made it to the hospital and then it was like everything went into hyper drive. I was blasted with the reality that my dad, MY DAD had had a heart attack.
He couldn’t die. He just couldn’t.
~*~*~
“Oh, thank God you’re here,” my mom said before I was engulfed in the most rib-crushing hug she’d ever given me. I couldn’t breathe, but it didn’t matter. She let me go and there were tears in my eyes. As she wiped them away, I took her in. Her hair was mussed, her clothes were wrinkled and her face was blotchy. I’d never seen her like that.
“Is he okay?” She’d found us at the nurse’s station. I didn’t even know what room he was in or if he was having surgery or anything else.
When she smiled, I thought my knees were going to give out on me.
“He doesn’t need surgery, but he’s going to have to stay a few days and when he gets out we’re going to have to make some decisions,” she said, leading us down the hall to his room. I had to take a deep breath before we walked in.
Seeing him on the bed, in a hospital gown, under one of those ugly blankets was like a punch in the stomach. My father, Walter Clarke, the president of Clarke Enterprises, was lying in a hospital bed.
A jagged sound threatened to escape my mouth, but I held it in. My fingers dug into Lucah’s hand, but he didn’t pull away. Dad’s eyes were closed, but when Mom called his name, they opened and he turned his head. When he saw me, he smiled slowly. Sleepily.
“Hello, Rory Girl.” I’d never wanted to cry more in my life. But I wouldn’t let myself. I couldn’t break in front of him. I had to be strong. He needed me to be strong. My normal coping mechanism of pacing and freaking out was not going to happen right now.